I watched them, from the doorway after I turned out the light for the night. The three of them in the same bunk, holding their little flashlights over their Calvin and Hobbs comic books, reading intently. Caleb saw me in the doorway, spying on them, and he gave me a sideways smile as he continued to read.
"We decided Mom that we are going to sleep in the same bed tonight because it's an occasion."
Okay Caleb, yes, it's an occasion.
It was the last night of them being eight years old.
We've been encouraging them to sleep separately these past months because frankly the three of them were quite crowded in one twin bunk. However, despite the lack of space, they prefer to be together.
John and I finally put our foot down about the situation when apparently James grew a really long toe nail and used it as a claw in the night to create more room for himself, causing great disputes to erupt in the dark.
My heart actually ached as I stared at them, soaking in that moment, the three of them together, eight years old. How I longed to hold on to that moment forever, and I felt desperate because I knew it was slipping away. Moments can't be held on to, only savored and then released to become a memory.
Nine years old seems suddenly so old to me.
Half way to 18.
Half way through childhood.
Those memories of their babyhood and toddler years seem like a while ago now; but still they don't feel so long ago... not as long ago as I feel like they should feel.
The memories are still there, like I could walk back into them.
And how could this be? All those long days that seemed so overwhelming and never-ending are now just a a few brief lines in our family story.
So how do I hang on to these moments that seem to be slipping through my hand like sand?
As I mentioned in a previous blog, John and I have transitioned from gift-giving to experiencing giving, and my hope is that this defines these next years.
Evelyn has embraced this mentality as well, and she wanted to plan a fun experience for her brothers as a gift to them. Evelyn has never been one to spend her money on herself; she is and has always found the most joy in delighting those she loves with gifts. With the spirit of providing experiences, she came to John and I with an idea of surprising her brothers with an adventure weekend to the coast for her gift. She said she wanted to give all her money to rent a beach house so her brothers could spend the weekend metal detecting and treasure hunting, something they love to do at the coast.
We helped her find the right little beach cottage for a weekend in March; she soon realized that although this gift could be totally her heart, she would need some financial help from Mom and Dad. ;)
Evelyn decided that the delivery of the this gift also had to be a production.
On her own she created a treasure hunt around the house, culminating at an X in the backyard where she buried a treasure box in the earth containing a metal spoon (So the boys' metal detector would beep) Also inside the treasure box was a scroll containing all the details of the whimsical adventure she has planned for them.
I'm not sure what the boys were more excited about: unearthing a box in the backyard before the sun came up or their fun future adventure at the beach!
I also baked them a cake and we ate it for breakfast, because why not?! :)
Birthdays are for celebrating, so my mentality has always been drop everything, clear the schedule and eat cake and celebrate!
The last nine years have been a season of growing up, and I'm not talking about only the boys.
My own growing pains have been excruciating at moments. My thirties were marked by the drudgery of caring for so many little humans, the loss and then redefining of my role and identity, and recognizing what truly is most important in my life. The things I once thought to be most important I now realize are only like the sand running through my fingers, like those moments that I try to feverishly grasp on to and pin to my heart.
The hard things in life are actually the best things.
These years, with my family, raising my children: this is the treasure.
John always says that God answers prayers how we would if we could see the whole story and if we knew
ourselves completely.
I'm so grateful that I wasn't in charge of answering my own prayers.
