Growing up

It truly has taken a tribe of loving people to help me navigate my family life.

When you become a parent, developmental milestones in your child’s life are incredibly exciting to witness. 

When little  Evie rolled over for the first time, John and I were probably "over sharing" to everyone we knew. 

But it’s insanely exciting. 

Evie at around 1 year...one of her first pictures standing

Only 3 years later....

 I celebrate small victories these days, especially when I notice small leaps of independence within my children. My life is so consumed by all of these little people that even being able to use the bathroom without an audience is something to celebrate. 

Morning cuddles

Within the last month or so, I feel like there has been a significant change in herding my children from one location to another by myself. 

Small victory #1:

For the past 7 months or so, my mother in law and I have attended Bible study fellowship together and she has helped me unload and walk the kids into their classrooms. A few weeks ago I did it myself, and I was super proud the rest of the day. 

Small victory #2:

John was gone on a business trip so I had the kids by myself one afternoon and we actually had a very successful pay date with one of our neighbors and everyone was happy and had a good time playing outside. 

Small Victory # 3 

Usually when I go to the gym by myself I pull the van up to the door of the building and unload the kids one by one. However, I now simply explain to them that they need to walk down the ramp and to the van immediately…and they do.

It's hard to imagine how big and exciting these seemingly little milestones are in my life. 

 Little by little my little people are listening to me, talking to me and I’m sorta kinda reasoning with them. 

My boys are such good boys. They want to be good boys, and they want to do what is right and they love and obey their mama. They always remind me, "I'm a good boy."

They have such big hearts.

 Levi gets so excited when Evie gets home from school that he gives her a big kiss on the lips. 

I can really see the silver lining. The kids are playing in the backyard together, laughing, sorta enjoying each other. Right now the boys love to play “hockey” with my kitchen utensils. It is a common ritual that after nap time one of them hands out the “hockey sticks” (aka my kitchen spatula/spoons) and they hit a ball around the floor with them. 

Yes, they fight over who gets to sit in the coveted back seat of the van. 

They negotiate bedtime and mealtime. 

They request cheeseburgers and the music played in the car. 

They demand that they wear a certain color shirt and use a certain type of soap. 

But, aghast, I love that they are growing up and have opinions and want to communicate. 

Walking in Target near the baby section, I was suddenly overcome by the sudden realization that I don’t and will never have babies anymore. Memories started flooding back about my days buying baby things for Evie… And formula for the boys…and clothes sized according to months. 

This summer already has a remarkably different feel. Amanda and I are taking the boys out, they are playing on playgrounds, digging in the sand, and chasing each other in the woods. They want to eat outside, poke at worms and bounce the basketball. 

They are joyful. They are curious. They are excited about everything.

The other night Levi reached up on his tip toes to turn out the light. He could reach it. 

Memories started flooding back to me about Evie, at that same light, doing that same thing. I remember the milestone of her reaching that light switch…that milestone of her climbing the deck stairs by herself…that milestone of opening the doors. It’s hard to believe that she was that little still when we moved into this house. 

But here we are. 

We are experiencing the same milestones, and the same excitement with the boys now. 

And each one I consider a victory and a celebration.

 Yes, honestly there is that little nostalgic feeling I was warned about. But I have no desire to go back, and I feel mostly gratitude about how far we’ve come and what we’ve achieved. 

Nothing is easy under the sun

All of a sudden we are in shorts and t-shirts and playing in the sprinkler. 

With the suddenly sunny summer weather, comes more options to pass the days and a lot more outdoor time. 
I am a big advocate of kids spending as much time outside as possible. However, I always forget what a hassle it is to prepare for our outdoor excursions.
First of all, my kids are white white, as in see through. Its actually scary to see them in the sunlight. Therefore, every time we step foot out of the house we have to spray them down like watering parched flowers with a garden hose. That in itself is a big, messy task, which certainly means baths every single night..maybe two!

Secondly, there are the snacks and water bottles. Not too many things still taste and appear appetizing  after being smashed in a hot back pack. Peanut Butter bagels flattened and leaking... Bananas brown and smashed... Warm, soggy grapes... Melted cheese sticks.... And everything ends up having sand stuck to it.  Every bite has a gritty crunch. 

And then, lets not forget the inevitable diaper changes. Changing babies under trees is one thing. But now I have three hefty two year olds with over zealous digestion tracts. They like to explode. And they sure don't like to stay still as I'm trying to clean them up, under a tree, trying not to get grass, dirt or anything else nature in or on them. Honestly, the cleaning job is way less than satisfactory.  But it will do until we take baths at night; all my energy and focus is totally channeled to getting that thing changed as quickly as possible. 
Finally, there is the dirty diaper I need to somehow dispose of.  I carry it across the playground, trying not to draw attention to myself from the other moms as I throw it in the trashcan next to the picnic tables.

Oh, and just because your child is potty trained doesn't mean you are off the hook. There are no guarantees  there will be a potty...or one that you want to use, in close proximity.
 Inevitably Evie has to go potty every single time we go to the park. Thus we end up completely stripping her bottom half  (after learning a half a dozen times that this is the ONLY way to have a 50% chance of not getting any on herself)
It's especially an interesting endeavor when parks are surrounded by a cute residential community who's windows look over the sprawling green lawn. (Please don't judge me... I know my four year old is peeing like an animal outside your window..) As prepared as I pride myself to be, I never have toilet paper; so we end up using a leaf.

Then there is the balancing act of getting her back into her pants...Losing her balance, she grabs on to my head to steady herself (with the same hand she just used her leaf with...) and tumbles into her personal toilet space.

Then lets not forget the sand, the mud, the muddy-sand, and the sand that's really mud. At least we have remnants of summer forever in the van and in the house. On a rainy winter day we can just dig deep enough into the carpet and uncover a summer particle. 
And sand is just about impossible to get out of hair. My kids' hair never gets fully clean until Christmas.

I don't want to be a downer about summer. I love summer. I love the new options for activities with the kids, the fresh air, the blue skies and the community it brings. However, it is a reminder that experiences are never as grand as you imagine them in your mind. Especially with toddlers and kids, there are things that you will never be prepared for. And even if you are prepared, everything is more of an ordeal than you envisioned. 
 In my mind I have visions and dreams of the perfect little magical bonding morning at the park; but, I always seem to forget that I'm dealing with real life here...about as real and grimy and sandy as it gets.  However, if I set my expectations low and enjoy the moment for what it is-I won't be annoyed, disappointed or aggravated.

A morning at the park with four kids four and under really takes it out of me though. And by afternoon, I am craving some sort of quiet moment. 
I think Evie summed it all up during her Mother's day party at preschool. The kids all filled out a card about their mom and read it in front of everyone. One of the questions they had to answer was: My Mommy likes to :_____. 
As Evie got the the front of the room to read her card, I sunk down in my seat, a little nervous about what she was going to say. 

"My mommy likes...to eat lunch alone." 

Evie sure knows her mommy. As much as I'm grateful I get to be involved in my kids everyday,  I sure do crave some peace and quiet time right around 1:00. 

A sandwich and a espresso shot alone...and I'm ready to take on the hot afternoon of craziness. ;)