Happy Birthday, What a year it's been!

My birthday was this week, and it was Mother's day, so it was a double celebration week for me! I’m 32 years old now...and I can most certainly believe it!  I mean, come on...I 've been married for 9 wonderful years, birthed four kids and drive a mini van!  I feel like I should be older than 32. 

I woke up to the downstairs decorated in Disney princess decorations (thanks to Amanda's thoughtful planning), and during the day Evie would suddenly break out in "happy birthday to Mommy.."  I got a ton of text messages, phone calls and Facebook post. My thoughtful in -laws brought me cupcakes and balloons. I ended the night with some sweet friends bringing me Chipotle and white wine on my back deck. Unfortunately, John was on a business trip, but I'm sure we will celebrate together soon. Yay ! Prolonged a birthday party! :) 

What a year this has been. As I sit on my deck in the warm May sunshine, it makes my head spin to think about how much has changed for us in just one year. Last year on my birthday I was hoping for one more child this upcoming year, and I wasn't even pregnant yet. 

I have to say though, for the first time in my life, I feel settled.  

I  spent a large part of the last decade chasing adventure and experiences. I craved travel, and change, and opportunity. I felt like I was always on the search for the next "big thing." However, finally at 32, I think I’ve truly reached a place in my life where I am content. I'm not wondering, or regretting, or wishing or seeking. I'm just living, and it feels good. 

Each day can be somewhat monotonous. It’s feeding babies, changing diapers, trying to entertain Evie. I find myself delighted in the “lilttle things” in life. The simple things. Like this moment right now, when there is peace in the home because everyone is napping, and I’m sitting out on my deck in the sunshine and I have a few more moments before a baby needs to be fed or Evie wakes up from her nap. The ordinary has suddenly become sacred. 

A very rare trip to Starbucks is not just an afterthought like it was on my way to work in the mornings. A trip to Starbucks IS my event; it’s suddenly exciting, and profoundly enjoyable and I take time deciding carefully what I want to drink.

 A workout at the gym isn’t just a duty which I try to rush through because I have somewhere else I’d rather be… it’s a small window of freedom when I can focus on doing something healthy for myself... and I'm going to really WORK it because  I got to the gym with the kids…and who knows how much time I have left before I get paged out!

 And of course, I LOVE  that first cup of coffee in the morning, when the sun is just breaking the stillness, and I feel the grogginess of the night fleeing my body. It's a peaceful, reflective moment before the busyness of the day, and its my very own moment.

 I feel finally, at age 32, that I can appreciate the small things.  It takes so much effort and planning to see a girlfriend, or get to the gym, or have a minute  by myself that when it happens, I find myself truly and sincerely enjoying it. 

And even though I know people look at my life and think it’s really tiring and burdensome, I find myself strangely at peace with where I’m at now. This is my reality, and I’ve learned to embrace it.

And in the moments in between, I want to kiss and cuddle my boys more, play more hide and seek with Evie, and have more conversations with my husband on our deck at sunset. I think I’ve finally surrendered to the fact that the excitement I was chasing in my twenties is not nearly as satisfying as living well in the life that God has blessed me with. 

I appreciate and  am satisfied with my friendships and my family.  I'm more confident in who I am;  I am recognizing my many  flaws and I  truly desire refinement. I don't crave status but seek peace and deep joy. I've given up on staying completely current on the fashions, and I don't stress if my schedule doesn't include a million social engagements over the weekend.  I'm done with trying to make people like me and instead open myself up to authentic relationships. I like being 32. 

As far as the fam goes…here are quick updates, a few bits about each family member to sum it all up:

Evie: Passionately voicing her opinions on all matters in the house, but slowly coming to terms that the brothers are here to stay and caring for them in her sweet little way (like tossing rattles and binkies in their cribs when they are crying …or tucking them in with her bunny rabbits) She has volunteered to "hold them" and sometimes chooses to eat her dinner next to them so she can assist them with their meal. 

"Growing brothers need to eat all their dinner"

Nighty-night Levi

Caleb: Getting cuter everyday with all his smiles and coos. Man, he sure can melt anyone's heart. I've never seen someone sleep with more abandon. He's my "Caleb boy" forever.

Levi: Smacking his lips aggressively in an attempt to satisfy his appetite for food…can someone please give this guy some steak?! His triple chin is awful cute…and the milk foam around his mouth has become his trademark.

"Just give me the beef."

James: Sleepy James still manages to exhuast himself with his marathon napping…it really is a sport. He is smiling a lot and he is in his happy place when he is being held. 

John: Has started traveling some for work again. I know he'd rather be here with his family, but his hard work allows us to take care of the household well.  In his "free time" he's spoiled us with  some "fall off the bone" cooked chickens on his new traeger grill. 

Amanda:  Still smiling after being pooped and spit up on almost daily. It's really nice having someone as  pleasant as she is with me in the house all day. I can tell she really loves our children (and they love her!) and I admire her patience and humor in all of this. 

Me: Soaking up all this sunshine…walking to the duck pond with my triple stroller…getting out on a run now and then…and trying to keep perspective ;) 

The Blessing of Community...and She's Here! :)

I remember almost 10 months ago laying on the doctor’s table, looking at the three blinking lights in the ultrasound monitor, the heartbeats of my three sons.  I remember the world spinning. But I remember an overwhelming sense of peace too.  I felt as if God was whispering, “I’ll take care of you.”  
And why did I doubt he would?
 Why do I doubt? 
Haven’t I learned throughout my life that He always does take care of me? 
He has always shown me His love, his provision, and his grace on my life. He has a plan, and I am witnessing it being played out. And within his plan, Truly, He takes care of me.  A big way He is taking care of me through this time is by putting community and people around us. 

This feeling of his blessing swept over me Saturday morning as I looked around our living room at our church community. John and I dreamed of a house where people could gather, a place where we could invite people into our lives. When we discovered this house a year ago  before it was even on the market, God had already lined up good use for it. 

We Americans are consumed by our own little world, in our own little house with our own family. That is most comfortable and safe way to live for sure. But now, with all that is going on in our life with the three babies, we’ve realized that it is impossible to isolate ourselves. We depend on others to help lift us through this period. Through this, we’ve realized no one is designed to do life alone. And I believe that we are not designed to do life with just our families. We need community, friendships and bonds that reach beyond obligation or small talk.  And certainly in this time in our lives, doing it alone would be unbareable. 

Our home on Saturday  was full of laughter, and fellowship and eating. And our home finally felt complete. 

Another reason it finally feels complete is because Amanda has arrived! Amanda is our extra pair of hands, and her being here has really created peace within our home. We've really had and have such amazing help from our families.  But we knew that in this season we really needed someone to live here and share in this whole thing with us. 

We met Amanda on line. Who says God can't work over the internet!?! :) People find spouses all the time in the cyber world, so we thought why not a family member?! ;) 

Amanda was supposed to drive up from California the first weekend in May but decided to come a whole week early! She texted me this fantastic news last Friday.  Both Amanda and I went into this with excitement but also apprehension. However, we both felt  an incredible amount of  peace. Nonetheless,  it is always intimidating at first to open yourself up to someone else. From the moment she arrived however, it hasn’t been difficult. Amanda fits right in, and Evie liked her from the very start, which is a huge victory. Our boys love her too, not only because they get held and cuddled more, but they are loved even more. 

I don’t feel like my life is boiling over the top anymore; it has cooled to a simmer, and there is a little more peace in our home.  The crazy moments are more doable  It also allows me much more freedom. I can get my crazy Evie out of the house. Yesterday I took Evie and Caleb out to play. It was interesting to pretend that I was a "normal mama"-a toddler plus just one infant in tow.  

 The week went by, and Amanda spent most of it in our home, getting used to our family and our schedule. She helps us out in the morning hours until nap time, and then for a few hours in the evening until we put all the kids to bed. She has a very calming, easy going, joyful spirit about her. No amount of spit up, poop explosions or crying seems to rattle her. And at 21 years of age, she has a bright future, and I'm so glad she's decided to spend some of it in our family. One of her best friends moved to Portland a month ago too. We got to meet her, and I love the energy that a young spirit brings into an exhausted home. 

Having these boys has forced me  to step out of my comfort zone and invite people into our life. Since they were born, there has seemingly been someone else in our home most of the time. Our space is an open door now to others, and I am learning that this is the way it should be. I want my kids to grow up seeing this as normal, to always have someone filling the empty rooms in our home. And with Amanda here, Evie has the older sis that she’s always wanted. ;)