Back to School

 Wow. Three full months of silence on my end.

 I haven't written, and if you know me, the written word is something that I believe defines me. It is my creative energy,  a way to process all that is going on in my life.

 But, if I'm honest,  I've been chronically uninspired. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has felt completely overwhelmed and dispairing as I've witness the world around me change so rapidly;  I've had to reconstruct everything from my disintegrated reality. 

I've had to grieve relationships, expectations for my children, my once beautiful city; my heart aches for so much. 

Aches. 

And in this aching, I've feel as if my essence has dried up. I've had no motivation, or margin, to engage in many of my former activities.  

With homeschooling and trying to keep my head above water with the things of the home and family, there wasn't a moment left to do anything extra.

 And then there is the fifth child fir baby. 

Although Lucy is John's dog, she sure loves to hang around me and create messes. 

But recently, there has been some indication of reprieve from the barrenness I feel. 

Our school has resumed, and with this normal cadence, my spirit revives a bit. 

I feel as though a veil has been lifted, oh so slightly, and so I am forcing myself to sit down and write.

 So this blog entry is an attempt to break though the haze that has collected around me.

I feel extremely fortunate and do not take for granted that my kids go to a wonderful private school. Although I did my very best to give my children a good home school experience, alas they need to be back in REAL school, learning from a teacher who is not also their mother. 

There have been so many sweet moments from our long days at home. 

Actually the boys were apprehensive about going back; on the other hand, Evelyn couldn't wait. 

School definitely looks different with all the protocols, but they are on campus, and it's ultimately better for all. 

Here's a recap of the last 3 months of our life.

Well, let's start with Evelyn. 

She turned 9 on December 27. 

For her birthday she requested that her room be "redesigned." She was totally in charge of it all.

 Her room truly transformed from  a disordered little girl's room to an organized, mature, beautiful space.

We spent the holiday and Evelyn's birthday in Chicago with my family.

 It felt so normal to be surrounded by people I love and who love our family. 

It was perfect. 

Upon returning to Portland, the kids got their Christmas gifts from us, new bicycles. 

(although, it was a little rainy and muddy to really put them to good use....)

We ended homeschool at the end of January. Our last unit was on outer space and the boys really got into it. They finished out the month drawing posters of supernovas and constellations and galaxies. 

  

On February 1, I drove around the track at West Hills to drop my kids off at school. It felt surreal after almost 11 months.

 After school they were all smiles. We kept our tradition going of ice cream after the first day. 

February 7, we celebrated the boys turning 7 years old. I can hardly believe it. 

My baby boys have been alive SEVEN YEARS. 

I really couldn't even fathom having them any other way except for being born all together. 

They are perfect together. 

Evelyn worked hard at making special ice cream cake for each one of them. She put a lot of love and creativity into each one. 

She also worked hard at making a special birthday poster. 

I am constantly in awe of her kind heart. 

About two weeks after starting school, Portland experienced its annual "Snowmegedon". School was canceled for a day as rain froze and turned the streets into ice rinks. The boys had fun playing ice hockey on the street with the neighbor. And Evelyn had fun exploring chunks of snow with Lucy. 

A few days was enough though. The constant layering and shedding of wet clothes is exhausting. And none of my kids have boots or snow gear that actually fits. Being that it only snows a few days a year, I do not invest or store such articles of clothing. Needless to say, my kids don't last very long outside before they need to come in, warm up and put on new, dry clothing to go outside again! 

And then there is Lucy. 

Lucy is a handful. Everyone warned me that getting a puppy was trouble ;) but because John wanted her so badly, it makes all the trouble worth it. 

Lucy is truly John's buddy. I have to say. he hasn't tired of her once. But, we are having a heck of a time potty training. She has constant energy and curiosity. 

Often times she rides with me to pick up the kids from school. They are always delighted to be greeted by puppy kisses and a wagging tail. 

So that is a quick little recap of the last few months. The fact that I'm sitting here in a nice, orderly, quiet house writing this is a miracle in itself. 

I'm hoping in the months ahead to reclaim some of the things I've enjoyed as I seek to return to a bit of normalcy and peace. 

Ultimately I find hope in knowing that God is in control of all this, and I can know that my experiences are not wasted; I have to keep reminding myself that happiness and order is not the goal, but refinement.