Part 3: Critters

One of the things I noticed right away in Thailand was that everything seemed to be crawling and moving ALL THE TIME!

......The ground beneath us, the walls beside us, the ceiling above us was constantly full of action.


The first morning at breakfast as Emily and I sat outside, ants crawled along our table, the wall and even around the food.

No one seemed to notice or care, except us Americans.

In our bathroom that first night, ants and small winged critters walked about the walls and floors. Every night I checked my bed before settling in and threw the ants out from beneath my covers.
As we lay in bed that first night, we marveled in disgust at the clumps of ants on the ceiling. The same colony of ants seemed to stay with us the entire time, but they moved their civilization to different points on the ceiling each day. We wondered what made them move. Was there a food source on the walls above us? I really don't care to investigate this any further; the thought was disturbing to me and if I wanted to get any good sleep, I had to pretend they weren't there once I turned off the light.


The second night there, Emily and I felt like we were being watched in the bathroom. Sure enough, on the wall was a small gecko, casually staring at us like he owned the place and we were intruding on his territory.
He crawled around the toilet, over the shower and paused, glaring at me. Unsure of what to do, I turned off the lights and closed the bathroom door for the night.

The next morning I went into the bathroom to wash my face and there he was, in the same spot, still glaring at me.
Emily and I decided that he was kind of cute, definitely wasn't dangerous and seemed to be doing no harm, so we thought we could live at peace with him.

But that all changed once he escaped the bathroom and came into our bedroom..... At 2:00 am we both woke up to a noise that sounded like a cartoon character laughing. "WHAT is that?" Emily asked in the dark. There it was again.
"I think it's the gecko," I whispered.
 It was the most obnoxious sound. I didn't even know geckos made a sound.
"I think he slid under the crack in the door from the bathroom."

We turned on the lights and there he was halfway down the wall. "We have to get him." We both agreed, and  we were determined to trap him.

To make us more determined to bid him farewell, there, in the middle of the floor was also a small lump of white gecko poop.
Yes, he now needed to go, as he was creating a problem. 

I grabbed a water glass. "Let's trap him."
Emily looked at me wide eyed and laughed. "With that?! You think you are going to trap him with that small water glass?!"

I looked at it. Yeah, I guess it wasn't the best. Instead Emily grabbed the trash can. "This will work. You scare him towards me, and I'll put this over him."

With a few shrieks and laughs, we managed to trap the little guy and successfully escort him outside of our bedroom. From that night on, we never left or slept without a towel shoved in the bottom of the door crack.
Every morning when we opened our door, it looked like an insect massacre occurred during the night. Thousands of small winged bugs lay at our door, dead. I'm still not sure what killed them all every night outside our door, but their graveyard was a reminder to me to secure any small entry ways.

One day, in the quiet of the afternoon, two girls on our team were screaming at the top of their lungs from the room next to ours. The racket went on for a good hour. By this point, it didn't even faze Emily or me because we knew exactly what was taking place in their room.
Apparently there was a spider as big as their fist scurrying around the ceiling in their room. They ended up vacating the room, refusing to live there until that spider was gone and the crack in the ceiling where he emerged was covered up.

During our nightly debriefing sessions, our team would sit outside; throughout our conversation,  people would constantly be shrieking and swatting at things. We were continually  interrupted by gecko laughter and the symphony of buzzing and croaking around us.

Despite the shrieking and screaming, it's amazing how tolerant we all became of bugs and critters by the end of our 12 days there.
I thought of home and just about every house in my neighborhood has a pest control service who comes quarterly to do a spray or inspection for ants, spiders, rodents.....etc.....

However, we don't have these guys creeping around..... I took this video as I was walking to breakfast one morning....

In Thailand, critters and humans live in harmony; people are truly unfazed by their cohabitation and I've seen some of the Thai people silently giggle at us Americans when we screamed and dodged something flying toward us.


I don't think I will ever get over the view that bugs are intruders in my living space. I don't think I will tolerate them crawling on me or near me. However, after being in Thailand, they don't bother me as much as they used to,...... but I'm still grateful for my pest control service!!! 

Our standards for living are so so different. Our convinces and comforts are something we take pride in and refuse to live without. 

And that was more apparent to me than ever before when I visited the Hill Tribes in the mountains. 

I will talk about my experience there in my next post.

Part 2: Work in Thailand

Part 2: Work in Thailand

Going on a trip labeled as a "missions project" I was expecting that there would be some manual labor. And sure enough, there was.

Hacking away...just another day.

I consider myself to be in good shape, so I wasn't concerned with a little physical intensity.
 However, manual labor under the hot Thailand sun will test anyone's physical capabilities.

Task #1: Building a Garden

The first day, Bud, the groundskeeper for the home, asked for four volunteers to do a gardening project.
I immediately raised my hand. I pictured pruning orchids and watering pineapple trees, while admiring the butterflies that would flutter by.... 
However, what I got was a large field of dirt that needed to be prepared for planting. Our task was to till the ground with hoes and make little mounds in straight rows.

This was harder than it seemed.

We were given our tools and left to get the job done. The rest of our team went over to the coconut grove to prune the branches.

First we had to figure out the best method to make the flat earth into mounds. We determined that working two by two on opposite sides, simultaneously digging the ground towards ourselves would be most efficient. However, upon completion of our first row, we realized that creating straight lines would be a challenge. No matter how hard we tried, the rows always came out slightly crooked.
We adjusted.

We pushed the mounds of earth a few inches to the left, then to the right.
We were sweating.
                                                The sun was getting higher in the sky.

 We did about five rows when all of the sudden, someone realized that the two sticks with a string tied between them was a great solution to our problem of crooked rows.
We began to use this tool and to our delight, the rows were straight!
It was still an obnoxious amount of manual labor, and I have so much more appreciation for the vegetables in the grocery store.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the property, the rest of our team pruned the coconut grove. Over the next two days, victims of their long spikes would limp away, bleeding, bruised and injured. It turned out to be a dangerous job and not one of us on the team escaped unharmed by them.

Task #2: Cleaning a Shed

The following day we gathered again, awaiting assignments from Bud on today's projects. Again, I volunteered right away when he asked for people who could do a cleaning project.

I mean,  this is what I do all day....sweep floors, wipe down tables and rinse dishes.... 

The four of us on the cleaning crew were lead to a cement building. Attached the the building was a dark closet.
"This shed hasn't been touched in five years," explained Bud. "I have no idea what's in there. There is probably a zoo living in there. You need to take everything out, clean it out, sort through the junk, reorganize it....Oh, and this wall can come down too."

He left  the four of us staring at each other, each not wanting to be the first one to venture into the uncharted dark space.

The first person to go in removed an old rusted motor part, shrieking as they exited from fear on what could be crawling after them.
The next person removed some bins of piping, screws and nails. "Oh my goodness...there was the spider the size of my fist on that wall carrying a huge white egg sack."
Upon pulling some shovels and racks from against the wall, a scorpion emerged, quickly climbing towards the door. Emily went in and smashed it.

During the next hour, this is pretty much how it went... One of us running in, looking around, grabbing an item and shrieking as we ran out. 
We carried out a plastic bin covered in fire ants.
Someone on our team swore they crawled up into their pants.

When all the items were successfully out of the shed, Bud gave us a demolition hammer and instructed us to knock down the wall. We each took a swing at it, finally reducing it to bits of cement and rubble on the ground. The dust was suffocating.


 We then each grabbed a shovel and hauled the bits of broken cement into a wheel barrow to then transfer into the back of a truck.
This. Was. Labor.
The next step was going through all the stuff and sorting it out. I would have labeled it all as garbage, but Bud stood next to us and identified the things he still wanted to hang on to...hey you never know when you might need an extra toilet seat, right?! 

Meanwhile on the other side of the property, more people were collecting battle wounds from the coconut trees. One of the girls had such a gash in her leg, that she was dismissed from the work team and sent over to us.
All we had was the threat of scorpions...

I have to admit that every moment of that shed project stretched me. The physical labor was difficult; the threat of unknown creepy critters and creatures was terrifying.

For both projects, I left physically tired; however, I have to say, it was so rewarding to have accomplished what we set out to do:
The grounds had fertile soil, ready for crops to be planted. 
The shed was cleaned and organized.
The coconut grove was groomed and orderly. 

My tolerance and capacity for physical projects and labor increased. For the first time I felt like creating a garden in my own backyard was something that could actually happen someday!


This experience gave me the practice of persevering despite my feelings. In other words, even though I didn't feel like doing the work, I was able to overcome.

Digging in the earth, I didn't have the option to "take  a break" to check email or texts. The only thing my mind could do was focus on the job at hand. It was meditative. I was in the moment. The pain of each plunge and pull of my shovel into the earth increased my capacity to be present and focused.

The task of cleaning out that horrible shed seemed overwhelming to begin with.
However, I got the job done by committing to one trip inside,
one basket retrieved,
one shovel of cement.
I learned that any task can be completed if you just keep doing one thing again and again.

What kept me motivated to do the jobs well was that I wanted to actually help the people at the home.

Too many times have I asked my kids to clean windows, only having to redo them after wards. 

Coming home, I see my tasks, even the ones I dread, as moments to be present in. Working in Thailand taught me the satisfaction of committing to a task and finishing fully, without distraction.

It takes true determination to work this way here in the United States. 
Our lives and work are often fragmented; we are trained to navigate constant interruptions and have access to instant solutions. 
There was something  satisfying about having to appreciate and live in the moment, unaware or unable to access anything or anyone outside of it. 
We laughed and joked among ourselves that we were truly experiencing "Adam's curse" as described in Genesis. Working the soil by the "sweat of our brow" could be described as something uncomfortable and tedious. Yet through it all, it was obvious to me that work is actually a gift. 
The things in life that are the most challenging-the seasons that seem unending-they are producing in us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all...."so we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." -2 Corinthains 4:17
We are building charter and strength.

This promise I held on to, especially during those uncomfortable, undesirable moments. In everyday, I can claim this truth, that what I do now is actually impacting a bigger picture and a greater plan. In these meditative moments of hard work or mundane tasks, I work in honor of someone else. 

A life worth living is a life focused  outside of yourself. Doing something in honor of someone else creates a motivation that far outweighs a goal dependent on merely task completion. In my case, I discovered that focusing my efforts towards helping the children and home and working in honor and thanksgiving to God created the energy in me to forge ahead, complete the project and dodge all the critters efficiently. 

Thailand

“Reflective thinking turns experience into insight.” John C. Maxwell

Typically I use this space to record my life as a Mom. Since the birth of my children, my life has revolved around them. Sometimes when I step back and look at my beautiful family, I still can't believe that this is my life.

Last Christmas, John surprised me with the opportunity to go on a trip with our church to Thailand. To make the trip even better, my dear friend Emily would be going as well.
 I sobbed when I read his letter to me that Christmas Eve, a true mix of emotions welling up inside of me. "I can't do this..." I said through my tears.
"Yes you can. You can! It's a new season" he said to me.

Honestly, the thought of leaving my family for 12 days was terrifying to me. For so many years I've been with them, night and day, and the reality of being around the world alone was an unimaginable concept.
When I talked to Emily about it, we both decided that is was going to be an adventure of a lifetime and we needed to go. We were so humbled and grateful to our husbands for surprising us with such a selfless gift.

"We are going on an adventure together!" 

The trip would take off May 23; as the months ticked by, I was plagued by excitement, fear, anxiety and guilt.
I've decided to dedicate the next few blog posts to my trip. Upon returning, I jumped right back into to full time "Momhood." My experiences and thoughts would creep up in my mind throughout the day, but I didn't have the space to really reflect and record it all.

So, here is my space.

I was here.

BEAUTIFUL THAILAND!!!

  

And so, we begin.

On May 22, all my clothes were laid out on our back deck as I sprayed them with toxic bug spray. This "chemical cocktail", recommended by our trip leader, was supposed to stay in my clothing for 6 weeks and repel mosquitoes and everything else that crept and crawled.

As I sprayed my clothing, I had a nervous pit in my stomach.
 It was the end of the school year and there was so much going on, and to top it off with getting ready to go away on a trip like this had me rather stressed out.

To complicate that feeling, my kids were not making it easy for me to leave. There were several days of mourning and crying as they pleaded with me not to go. Caleb especially tore at my heart strings because he feels all his emotions so intensely. Up until the minute the Uber came to pick me up for the airport, I sat with him on my lap, surrounded by my kids, crying right along with them.
I wasn't necessarily sad I was going to be gone, but I was sad to see them so sad. This created a lot of guilt and second guessing for me as to whether going was the right choice.

It wasn't until we landed in Taiwan 12 hours later that I finally started getting excited.

Four hours later,  our plane descended over the green hills of Thailand.
Yes, I can assure you that my tears were long dried up and I was no longer thinking I made a bad choice!

The twelve of us from our church were there together to visit the safe homes our church supports. Human trafficking is a HUGE problem in this region of the world. Poverty is so deep and hopeless that often times people will sell their children in order to survive.

Most of the time these innocent children-as young as 5 or 6-end up in the sex industry.
These homes were built in order to prevent this from happening.

These precious children get to live free!

When a child is identified as being at risk for being sold, a representative from the safe home will meet with parents and chief of the village, offering to take their child instead; their offer includes a free education at safe, nurturing place.
The parents will still have the opportunity to visit and maintain a relationship with their child. Otherwise, once a child a sold, they most likely will never see them again.

Kids here are loved, educated, cared for spiritually, emotionally, physically and mentally. 

On this piece of property in Northern Thailand there are five homes, about 150 kids total.

It was Sunday morning when our  van drove up to the home for the first time.  The kids were all getting ready for church. There was a lot of energy and music.

They practiced a song for us in English. One of the most beautiful things I've ever heard. 

It was a modest building, yet the joy was undeniable. The kids ran up to us as we exited the vans, curious about who we were. I couldn't help but get emotional at seeing them. My husband and I have known and supported this organization for about a decade, and to actually see the kids- these beautiful children- was overwhelming for me.

I don't speak Thai, and they speak little English, (or none at all), yet love transcends this.
We spent our time together playing games. Some favorite games were Jenga and Uno.

I amazed the kids with my Jenga skills ;) 

 I was able to bond with the boys, even better than with the girls. All my days of playing frisbee and baseball with my own sons really paid off.
Sweating like crazy under the humid Thailand sky, I was able to toss a frisbee and whip a baseball to them like a pro. They were so happy.

I pictured them as my sons. I know how much my own sons love playing sports with me, and I dedicated myself to be fully present in those moment with these boys, treating them as if they were Levi, Caleb or James.

Young boys are increasingly becoming more and more at risk at being sold to the sex industry. 

One of the things I noticed about the homes was the absolute order and camaraderie. There was such a sisterhood and brotherhood among the kids.

Meal time! They lined up, youngest to oldest, patiently waiting for their meal.

Most of the kids ate on the floor together

They did their own laundry.
They ironed their own school uniforms.
They helped with setting up chairs and serving meals.
As far as I could see, there was no complaining. No one moped around looking for snacks or food between meals.
They found joy in each other and existing!
 

My friend Emily and I debriefed together a lot as we had thoughts or questions about things we observed or experienced.

We started to marvel at the behavior of these kids!
 There were no behavior problems.
No allergies.
The house parents said there was little sickness!
The contrast to kids in the United States was stark.

We discussed the differences and came to the conclusion that there were layers of answers that could perhaps explain all that we were witnessing.
However one thing we agreed upon is that life in the United States is way more manufactured. We have access to more, so we give more, in order to do more, which creates a  need for constant stimulation.

We are playing kid music in the car....putting on movies, TV shows and giving them iPads......we are constantly giving them treats, candy and snacks....it is hard for us to just be!!
We feel obligated to constantly provide them with extraordinary experiences and extracurricular activities. 

Many of the kids happily spend afternoons sitting  and talking to each other. 

The contrast was so stark and so very real.
We came to the homes with all these huge duffel bags containing all this STUFF for them. The games and activities and treats certainly made them smile, but did it make them happier?

Were we trying to give them what we thought they needed or deserved?


 I'm still processing all this and trying to figure out...there's a lot to think about and question.

One thing I do know is that these kids were able to be kids here. It was hard to imagine the life they would have been subjected to.
 Perhaps it was where they came from and what they were saved from that made all the difference in their attitudes and behaviors.  

I'm going to stop here for right now...but I will continue to write about my experiences and musings....there is just too much to include in one post. 

The end of an Era: Those preschool years

A few weeks ago I closed a chapter in my life.

                                                I am no longer a Mom of Preschoolers. 

I knew this day was coming; the first day of school this year marked in my mind "the last first day of preschool."
                                          Thus, I tried to savor every little preschool moment.

                                       I was intentional about letting them be preschoolers.

I tried not to rush them; I tried to give them time to just play after school. I let them explore the mushrooms around the school yard and collect big sticks.

We marveled at the gorgeous orange leaves in the fall.  I let their world be magical in the school yard.
I will miss those beautiful trees that surround the preschool playground. Every fall I was delighted by their brilliant glow.

 

 My preschool years with the kids were bittersweet, not unlike like most of their childhood seasons have been so far.
I really tried and wanted to soak in every second of this innocence and cuteness. Many times I'd stand in the school yard, watching them play, trying to muster up the energy to push them on the swing.
I would get frustrated that my intentions were constantly interrupted by my emotions and my state of exhaustion.

Oh how I longed to be completely present and joyful!
 Yet most of the time I walked into preschool completely drained.

 I love these kids with my whole heart. My true desire was to be a Preschool Mom who didn't hurry through these years and recognize the wonder in the simple.

Every time I dropped them off at school, there were little tables set up with experiments and art projects. I rediscovered wonder and delight in these little messes around the room.

 I'd forgotten that baking soda and vinegar together is quite exciting!.... And how absolutely incredible it is to watch caterpillars become butterflies!

However, there were so many afternoons when they came home at noon-or didn't go to school at all-that I paced the house, watching the clock, wondering how the day was going to pass without someone or something getting destroyed.

I can look back on those afternoons and regret that I wasn't more creative with my boys or more enthusiastic about our time together.

Basically the afternoons were big chaotic messes

In those hard moments, when I just want to quit and take the easy way out (i.e T.V, being rude or crabby etc) I believe that I have learned that choosing to be present and joyful despite how I feel is so much better.
 I believe these preschool years were training grounds for me; the daily routines taught me endurance, rising above my feelings and staying present no matter what.
They were so challenging, yet so precious.

But now it's time to move on, take with me the lessons I've learned in this season, and go forward, anticipating what is next.

The end of this school year brought so many joys:

AWANAS awards night! The kids did a great job completing all their workbooks and memorizing their verses this year!
(And, Wednesday nights were cherished date nights for John and me) 

The Class Circus Performance!

We had two surfing cats and an official BCP "strong man" :) 

And last day of school parties

Evie's school ends the year with a family BBQ and water fight.
Snow cones officially  commence the beginning of summer!

We started out summer with our annual visit to the garden trains!

It is always a highly anticipated event, one that always leaves James planning how we can turn our backyard into a miniature railroad landscape. 

The Men in my life💚💚💚💚

Bring on summer! I have a feeling this will be the best one yet!