A period of waiting...

We are in this weird "in between" period now.
                     Waiting. 

 Waiting.

I am so grateful to be home, yet my life is very different right now.

 I've been home since Monday. The doctor's orders were that I'm supposed to be sitting most of the day, but I can still waddle around the house some.  The five days of strict bed rest in the hospital has made me weaker. It caused my legs and feet to swell up like sausages and made my pelvis and back less sturdy. Even in the three days since I've been able to move around, I can tell that the swelling in my feet is going down, and I'm regaining strength in my whole body. The body is not made to just lay.

 My mom flew in Monday night and has been here three days now. Wow, I don't think I could be doing this without her. She came here very focused with one mission in mind: to help care for Evie, me, John and our home and then the babies when they come. And from day one, she has really taken her job seriously.

Honestly, I feel a little strange about being served and resting so much. John gets on my case if I walk up the stairs too much; my mom insists that I take naps, and she makes me egg salad sandwiches for lunch.

Suddenly I'm living such a different life! No more Costco runs. The gym seems like a dim memory. I feel like my body is deflating (and ironically growing at the same time). On those moments I long to do a kick boxing class, my mom keeps reminding me that its a short season of rest.

I am and have been continually overwhelmed by the generosity of people too. I have women I don't even know that well dropping off bins of boy clothes. My house church women brought over magazine, movies and candy. I've had people offer to make dinners, bring me Peets coffee, watch Evie and hang out. I get text messages, phone calls and emails letting me know I'm in thoughts and prayers. My in-laws moved in to our house while I was in the hospital. And of course, there is my mom, who left everything behind in Chicago and bought a one way ticket to serve us.

I am humbled.
My HOPE is that I will always remember this period of being served and be able to be generous and bless others one day too.

People ask me all the time if I think I'll make it to Feb 7. Last week I think the boys were ready for this world. And last week I would have said no. But now that everything seems to have settled again and they actually allowed me to go home, I think I have a really good chance.
 Whatever happens is fine by me. Being this pregnant and having this many babies has a way of  making me ok with whatever happens because it is so out of my control.

As I sat with my mom at the kitchen table this afternoon eating an egg salad sandwich, she asked me if I ever thought or imagined I'd be where I am at this moment.
Nope.
But I know I'm not the only one right now that answers that question that way. Ask yourself that same question and I bet most of you would never believe 10 years ago that you'd be dealing with or doing certain things in your life right now.
But isn't that what makes like exciting...the mystery of it all?!? Who wants to know exactly how everything is going to happen?!?
 Not me.
Personally, I like the adventure, even if the adventure right now is in the waiting. 

Hospital Day 4 Update: No babies yet!

Well it's nearing the end of day 4 here in the hospital. Time doesn't exist here; the hours all melt together and before you know it another day has passed. After arriving on Wednesday afternoon, I spent the next 48 hours hooked up to an IV machine with magnesium sulfate pulsating through my veins. This mixture is a muscle relaxant and stops contractions. It also made me see double...and it made my eyes and skin burn. I spent most of those days with my eyes closed, passing time. I was also given two steroid shots that speed up the development of the babies' lungs. They shut off the machine last night and unhooked everything and now we are just waiting to see what the next step is. The doctors all say that each hour the babies stay put, the better off they are. If I'm honest, part of me just wants to do this thing and meet our sons! But, realistically, it would be best for the babies if they continued to "cook."
So I've been sitting all day in the hospital room, just me and my big belly of baby. I feel like an oven, a "means" to an "end." I really realized today that my purpose right now is to grow these baby boys.

I have one more day here, and then Monday the doctors will determine if I am able to go home or if they want me to stay. I am really hoping to go home.
The nurses and staff have been so so wonderful here; the foods not bad either. But to be away is so hard too. I finally got to see Evie today after leaving her suddenly on Wednesday afternoon. Apparently, she has been having an absolute blast with Grandma and Grandpa and all the amazing friends that have taken her for a few hours. It really wasn't the reunion I envisioned however; she was apprehensive when she saw Mommy in her wheelchair with tubes coming out of her arms. The visiting rules are pretty strict so we only got 30 min in the lobby together. John had fun pushing us both around in the wheelchair.
I have to say that being here has made me appreciate my good health. I think about the people in this same building battling serious illnesses who have kids and family they are separated from. How very very difficult.
I am trying to make the best of my time here. I've had some good conversations with some nurses, got some rest, some friends popped in to say hello too...I'm also trying to surrender, once again, my idea of how I want all this to go. I know we are nearing "the end" of the triplet pregnancy, and nearing the beginning of our new crazy life as a family of six. When it all happens is still to be determined. Right now I sit...and grow babies. I'm trying to embrace these remaining moments I have of feeling and seeing them move in me, hearing their heartbeats and dreaming about what they might look like. Soon it will be reality. As a nurse told me today, "enjoy the calm before the storm." ;)

                                  So friends, no babies yet....but tomorrow is another day....

Week 32: In the Hospital!

Well, it happened. Wednesday started off like any other day. I actually had a playdate that morning with some dear friends and when I got home to make Evie lunch and put her down for a nap, I didn't feel quite right. I laid on the bed, but couldn't get comfortable in my nest of pillows like I usually can because my stomach was so contracted...and it wouldn't stop. About an hour later, my back started to ache. I've never been through labor before because I had a scheduled C section with Evie, so I thought it was just one more ache and pain I'd have to get through during this pregnancy. I took a tums and called it good...but when I told John, he insisted that I call the doctor. And I'm glad he was so adamint because they told me to come to Labor and Delivery.

After John's parents arrived to care for Evie, we were off. When we arrived, my contractions and back pain were getting worse and sure enough, I was in labor. I got hooked up to IVs right away, but the doctors and nurses all said that making it to 32.5 weeks with triplets without stepping foot into the L&D is really impressive, and they were pleased that the babies are this far along. They decided to try to stop labor by giving me a magnesium sulfate drip through the IV, which relaxes all the muscles in the body. I've been on that for about 24 hours now and suddenly everything is getting very...um.relaxed shall we say. My legs feel like rubber when I stand and my eyes droop and my speech is somewhat slurred a bit. But, after a long night (of not sleeping) it seems like it's finally working and my contractions have slowed significantly. Therefore, they are able to administer the steroid shots that promote rapid lung development in our little guys. The steroids take about 48 hours to take effect, so I will still be here hooked up for two  more days.
The boys' heart rates have been hooked up to monitors the whole time and they seem to be doing really well. I'm not sure how everything is going to play out...only time will tell. They plan on taking me off the magnesium tomorrow and if my body starts laboring again, then they will not stop it and we will meet our sons! However, if I don't labor again,  I will probably be activity restricted (i.e. the dreaded bed rest!) However, I only have, at the most, 3 weeks to go.

Overall, I have a great sense of peace in whatever happens. I know that God has is it already mapped out when the boys are supposed to be born. I'm at the end of this triplet pregnancy journey...whether it's now or in the 3 weeks, so I just have to keep going. I'll try to update when I can, but like I said the side effects of the medicine make me loopy and tired. Because of the flu season, anyone under 18 is not allowed here; therefore, I can't see my Evie. But, I know Evie is in good hands right now with John's parents; I know that any of you would take her too, if need be and it is really comforting to know that. My mom is changing her plans and now instead flying out this coming Monday too. John, of course, has been his amazing self and been by my side. It's times like this that make me realize what a true partner in life I have.
SO, thanks everybody for your thoughts and prayers. I wanted to update you all, and this is the best way. I'll try my best to keep it up if anything major changes.
God is good, all the time...and I trust His plan and Will completely. And I have peace.

Where It All Began: PART 2

Part 2: How it all began (continued from Part 1, posted on Jan. 7)

So the summer of Rocky Mountain fun and adventure was coming to an end. John and I had been friends (well, maybe a little more…) for only three months; going back to college and back “to reality” was my plan, the only plan that I thought made sense. I had had the best summer of adventures, grown and changed as a person, and really valued my time with John. But in my heart, I knew that a long distance relationship wouldn’t work, and so it seemed that we must part ways. 

On the final night before my flight back to Chicago, John and I went for a walk. I remember we were quiet for some time; and then he told me he had made a decision.  
He said that he’d been doing a lot of soul searching this summer. It was true that he had a great job lined up back in Portland, and he was a Portland boy at heart and was excited to get back out West…but now, after this summer, everything had changed. If he watched me go tomorrow, he would spend the rest of his life wondering what could have been. 
He could live with failure, but not regret, so his plan was to pack up his truck and drive the opposite way from home and back to Michigan. Yes, back to the place he just left, to the place he swore he’d never go back to. He had no living arrangements, no job, and no plan; but, he said he knew this is what he wanted to do. 

My reaction was not what perhaps you would imagine. Honestly, I was a bit concerned because he was making such huge sacrifices to pursue this relationship. I just wasn't sure where we would end up, and to be honest it was a lot of pressure.

So I told him that I couldn’t make any promises. If he wanted to do this, I’d be on board, but we’d just have to see where it would take us. 

I’m sure this is the response every man wants to hear. But he said he understood, and so on we went.

So I flew home, and he drove the same direction. He spent a week in Chicago with my family, and for the first time, it was really just the two of us in a more "real life" setting. 
No more mountains or romantic sunsets or moose. 

But it was good.

I drove back to Michigan for my senior year and got settled into a house I was renting with several girlfriends. 
John was desperate to find a shelter…and something that was cheap. I don’t even know where he found the place he ended up living in. It was a dilapidated old house in a horrible section of town. His neighbors sat on their porches most of the day and smoked pot. Gun shots could be heard occasionally at night, and he got heckled every time he tried to park his car on the street.
 Nonetheless, he  found it acceptable and rented a room. He lived with several other random guys who thought trash collection happened in bags tossed behind their house. One of the housemates had a dog who wasn't house broken; so, whenever he went about his business in the house, his owner promptly covered it up with a piece of newspaper and stepped over it. 

Needing to keep his budget low, John’s room literally consisted of a single mattress on the floor. I think prison inmates had it better.  Needless to say, we didn’t hang out there all that much. 

He found a job about 30 min away and drove there everyday, battling through the tough Michigan winter of blizzards and ice; I continued my education and began to fill out paper work for my student teaching placement. We continued to enjoy each others company and made our memories in Grand Rapids, Michigan. 

At the end of October, I flew to Portland to meet his family. I hardly heard of Portland, and I didn't know what to expect. I was nervous to meet his family. However, the week in Portland couldn't have gone better. He wooed me with all the best features and activities this city had to offer (and it was actually sunny that entire week!) And his family was so welcoming and loving, I couldn't help but actually feel sad to say good-bye to them at the airport! 

 By Thanksgiving he told me he loved me; by Christmas I knew I felt the same. 

At the end of March we were engaged. We waited a long 13 months to actually get married however, because I wanted to finish my student teaching in the fall and a winter wedding in Chicago just didn’t sound ideal. So we landed on the date of April 9, 2005.

We had a very innocent relationship in every sense of that word, so when our day finally arrived, we were beyond excited to finally wed, travel together, and combine our living quaters. 

April 9, 2005 was the most perfect day in Wheaton, IL. The week prior there was a blizzard. However, on that Saturday it was 70 degrees, sunny and the tree in front of the reception hall had blossomed overnight. 

We felt like God truly blessed our union that day.  We were content to now live together finally in our 500 square foot apartment in Grand Rapids. We ate dinner on an old desk with folding chairs and we talked about our dreams for the future. Life together as a family had begun, and we couldn’t be happier.

John has always been a hard worker, for me, for us. Even in Colorado, I knew he cared deeply about me and he would (and will) do just about anything to make me smile.  I am so far from perfect, yet he constantly sees beyond that and puts me first. And that is a big reason why I believe our marriage lasts. 

I think it’s important to remember that Love is definitely not a feeling. I mean, it is…but you can’t believe that you will forever FEEL the butterflies and Colorado sunsets every moment of everyday. 

It is a choice daily, an action that comes from a deep commitment.

In Colorado I learned that it is the oldest peaks that are the most beautiful. Generation after generation they stand in aged splendor, captivating in their strength and beauty. They've had the chance to change and mold with the seasons.  They've been windswept, perhaps consumed by fire, yet they remain strong;  it is in their unwavering strength that we see their radiance.
Likewise, with each passing year, our relationship will be windswept. We will no doubt experience avalanches, storms and perhaps some deep fires. But with all this, my prayer is that our relationship will always be a testimony to the commitment we made to  stand strong, side by side. 

I do daydream. I think back  to those carefree Rocky mountain summer evenings, and I am reminded of how it all began...and I'm excited by where it is going. 

 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy,it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs,. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preservers. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Where is all began

We have one month to go before the big day when we get to meet our boys. So far, January has been a very low key month. It gets light late and dark early.  Sometimes our days are rather dull. However,  I tell John we should cherish these final weeks together, the three of us cozy in our little home because life is never going to be the same 30 days from now. 

I’ve been getting really reflective lately. John and I have known each other 10 years this past summer and we’ll celebrate our 9 year wedding anniversary this April. I was recently packing up our wedding albums and started to look through some old photos of when we met, our wedding and the all the crazy years we had together before Evie, and then our two years with her as a family of three. It’s been quite the adventure. 

This blog entry is going to be a little bit different because I thought I’d share the story of how it all began…

It all started on a sunny Colorado day 10 years ago, when we locked eyes from across the room and John said to himself, “Baby, someday we are going to make triplets together.” .......

Well, part of that’s true…the part about being in Colorado…

It was 2003, I was a junior in college, seeking adventure in the mountains for the summer before my senior year. Being from the midwest and going to a midwest school, the mountains were a region I had never explored. They enchanted me though, and after talking to a recruiter at a college summer work fair, I signed a three month contract to work at Rocky Mountain YMCA Lodge in the national park in Colorado.

 I was excited for the adventure of it all. Perhaps I’d hike and meet some interesting people. 
Maybe I’d even see a moose.


I arrived at the end of May to a beautiful little lodge nestled in the stunning Colorado rocky mountains. There is so much I could write about this summer, but I will stay focused on the budding relationship with my “one and only.”
 I got assigned to the kitchen, which was fine with me because I worked as a server for years throughout high school and college. A lot of international students worked there too, so even the eight hour shifts were fun and interesting, and I soon made a lot of new friends. 

Seeking adventure

Young me at 21

About the second or third week of my summer adventure, I went to a campfire where I met 30 other students from my college who also decided to spend the summer in the mountains. Some of the people I knew…some I didn’t…but there was one guy who I definitely recognized his name, John Patton. He was a year older than me and we never really crossed paths, but he was in a band at my college, so I remembered hearing about him. 

When I  try to think about that moment of meeting a decade ago, I can’t quite remember the conversation. It was short and I don’t think he really made eye contact, but it was dark and the only light was the fire pit. 

To be honest, I’m not quite certain after that initial meeting we didn't hang out that much. We saw each other occasionally in passing and chatted, so we became friends…and then there was Buckets. 

Apart from the lodge, there wasn’t much going on in the neighboring town... BUT there was a bar/laudromat called “Buckets”. Yes, that’s right. You could put in a load of laundry, grab a beer and shoot some pool. It’s actually  a brillant idea. It was fourth of July and he asked me to go into town to Buckets before the fireworks show that we were going to with all our other friends. I agreed…but I wouldn’t share a dryer with his clothes. I was adamant about that. Separate laundry machines. :)

We remained friends and at the end of July he asked me to go moose watching (but just as friends) We took his truck to the national park at sunset and he knew exactly the ledge where we could climb to look out over the valley and see the moose come out at dusk. He just happened to have a blanket, strawberries, champagne…and a stuffed animal moose to remember the night by. We did end up seeing a moose, but the cops also came too. I don’t remember why they came exactly…all I remember is throwing the alcohol off the rock ledge quickly. 

The rest of the summer he continued to surprise me. He’d pick wildflowers in the meadow and visit me at work…We’d spend nights looking up at the stars (oh, so many stars!) and literally talk until sunrise the next day. We took night hikes, and he promised me he’d protect me from the dreadful bobcats in the area. One morning at the crack of dawn he picked me up at my dorm and we had a sunrise picnic and watched the mountain goats. As August came, he took me out to dinner off site and we walked around the lake eating coconut ice-cream. 

I thought he was charming and fun. He listened and affirmed my dreams, he held doors (which he still does today) and he really seemed to genuinely care about me.  Being the musician he is, he even wrote a song for me on the piano. 

At the end of summer, my parents and brother drove out to visit me. They met my friend John, and we did a rafting trip together. 

When September came, it was time to go our separate ways. I had to go back to Michigan to finish up my education. John, who graduated the year before, was headed back West to Oregon.
 A fun summer fling had to end…well, obviously it become much more than that…. (To BE CONTINUED…)

Not a care in the world

Becoming close friends

Letting it Go

I told John that January was our month to get stuff done. No more holidays, or pumpkin patches, Christmas events or shopping. This was our month to get ready. If all goes according to plan, our babies will arrive on Feb. 7 via C-section. 

                                      So, that means we have about one month. 

My mom is going to buy her “one way ticket” and arrive a week before the babies, and she will take full charge of Evie. That one piece alone will be so helpful, because right now it's almost impossible to be extremely productive unless she is sleeping. It's pretty much one step forward, two steps back with her. 

Good use of the triplet doll stroller

 The “post holiday haze” has left John and I both pretty exhausted most of the time. For John, it’s working full time, plus trying to sell a car, plus figuring out all the details of life( like insurance, housing stuff, etc) He's also really been wonderful in helping out with Evie and the household chores whenever he can. For me, everything lately has been daunting because my energy levels have dropped and even bending over is becoming uncomfortable. So, taking care of an active 2 year old leaves me drained much of the time.

 Then there is  our upstairs room with all the boy “things”/ diapers that need to be organized…and the basement that somehow has to be turned into a baby area…and having half our house in our current house in Beaverton and half in our new house in Tualatin. The fact that we now have an “estimated” move-in time of the end of the March means that we will definitely be in our current house  for at least 2 months with babies and all. 

Time to get ready. Time to NEST! (insert groaning of all soon-to-be fathers)

Time to let go of a lot of perfectionist expectations.
There will not be a cute triplet boy nursery to welcome our boys home to. Frankly, regarding space, things are going to be tight with us, three babies, Evie, my mother and whoever else is here helping. Our whole house needs to be rearranged.  This is truly a perfectionist nightmare.

 BUT, I’ve slowly had to let it go. I’ve had to surrender a lot of things during this pregnancy: 
1)  having 3 babies at once. 
2) having them be ALL boys. 
3) being in this house when they arrive. 

But, on the flip side, I have SO much to be grateful for. For one, I am 31 weeks and still strong on my feet and able to care for my daughter. The boys are healthy, weighing a very normal weight for this stage in pregnancy!
 I am not extremely uncomfortable. Sure I have the aches and pains of pregnancy like every woman and I’ve been a lot bigger a lot longer, but I’ve been able to walk daily and maintain some normalcy in my daily activity. My height allows me to breath too!
Recently though I’ve realized I had to give up even the small amount of exercise I was still doing. I wasn’t doing that much, but I enjoyed walking a bit daily. Since being pregnant I’ve had to cut back…more..and more..and more as time progressed. I tried to walk and do basic weights to the end but finally this week I’ve realized that there is a lot of pressure on my pelvis when I walk, even with a belt, and I’m in pain afterwards, so it’s just not worth it.  It’s just another thing I have to give up. 

So, this week we managed to start cleaning out the basement somewhat. Yes, I told John we had to clear out all the martini glasses and booze bottles from the bar area because we need to make room for formula and nursing pumps. Just what every man wants to hear about his man cave. 
Next on the agenda for this week is tackling the upstairs and organizing the clothing and diapers and all the wonderful things we’ve received the past few months. It will be quite a job. 

All this is really such good preparation for the reality of my life. Life with three babies and a toddler is never, ever going to be perfectly organized and clean. In fact, it wont even come close. 

I will always wonder why God chose us to have triplets. I think part of the reason is probably character refinement for me. There are so many parts of me that desperately need boot camp. I know that God doesn’t expect perfection from us. That is something we place on oursleves. What he desires is 110% surrender, and with that comes giving up our own pride and relying on Him for the energy, wisdom and strength to do the job-the life-at hand. This I am learning to do, again. 
So, right now we are taking each day as it comes. We will look back on this small season I'm sure and remember it fondly, when life was simple. :) 

To be organized...

A Mini Van and Winco: Welcome to 2014

When did I get so old? I sat there thinking that on Dec. 31, 2013 at 8:30 pm as I rocked my 2 year  again after being jolted from her sleep by our neighbors firework celebration. “WHO does that at this time of night?!” I vented to John. He looked at me and replied, “Well, it is New Years Eve at 8:30….”  

Yeah, Yeah, I know…..but the NERVE of someone to wake up a sleeping child?!!  I had the same reaction on the Fourth of July. It’s moments like these that make me feel O-L-D.  The thought of making plans for New Years, or going out, or having people over seriously seemed like too much effort for me this year. For one, we’d have to pay a fortune to have a babysitter over to head out to an overcrowded, overpriced, and understaffed bar or restaurant. And me being 30 weeks pregnant with triplets (and measuring 41 weeks pregnant) would have to deal with stares, questions and no martinis or champagne at midnight. 

So, what did my sweet husband, daughter and my big self do?! Well, we took our new  mini van for a spin and did some grocery shopping at Winco. We even listened to Elmo music in the car. And I realized that there were a lot of people (albiet mostly couples with young kids) doing the same exact thing we were. And John and I were really ok with it. I even asked John on the way home if he felt disappointed that we weren’t doing anything this year for New Years. He just looked at me from his mini van throne and honestly replied, “Nope. Not at all.” 

Old. 

I’ll pause the story here for just a second (I know you are all at the edge of your seat with anticipation)  and talk about our most recent purchase. Two days ago we did indeed find the perfect vehicle in which to haul four carseats around in: a 2011 Sienna mini van. It’s actually not too "mini vanish" and has some neat features (like a backup camera, bluetooth, power doors…) but it is a mini van, and so we officially crossed the line into that true stereotypical suburban family we'd said we'd never be.. (Psssst….But I want to tell you, after driving it around for a day, I actually really like it!)  

Anyhow, so after we did our rounds in Winco and stocked up on our Cheerios and TP, we came home, and got our little Evie ready for bed. I went into the kitchen to unpack some groceries and when I came back into the living room, I found her cuddled up with John, reading books. I knew in John’s mind it was the perfect New Years Eve. I sat down next to them and read some “Spot” books until the clock struck 8:00 and we put her to bed. 

Then, John made some excellent bowls of Japanese noodle miso soup. It actually looked like we got it from a real restaurant. We sat at the table in the silence, with our steaming soup, and looked at each other. Good thing we like each other. :) 

“What do you want to to after the soup?”

“I don’t know…there is a Modern Family marathon on?”

“Perfect.”

This is our life right now, and it’s amazing how much changes in such a short period of time. 

But I wouldn’t want it any other way right now either. 

When midnight came (yes, we did manage to stay up to usher in 2014) we gave each other a New Years kiss and watched the ball drop in New York. 

“Happy New Year, Sweetie,” John said to me. “It’s going to be a crazy year.”

“Sure is.” 

We looked at each other for a moment and then at the TV again of the floating ticker tape and celebrating people another world away. 

“Well, I should get to bed. Evie will be up early.” I leaned over and gave John one more kiss. 

“Good Night. Happy 2014…Let the fun times continue!"