The Same...but different

A few times this week one of the boys woke up earlier than everyone else. In those moments, I took the awake boy and held him, gazed at him and talked to him like he was my only child. I pretended for those moments that he was, because I feel like I'm missing out on those precious times by  having three at once.  

Brothers Unite!

 We do things so differently with the boys than with we did and do with Evie. Evie was our ONE and only child…the boys, as much as I hate to use this term, are more like a “collection” right now. We really try to avoid seeing them like this.  But how can we help it; everything in our life right now seems to be operating with one goal in mind: survival. If we can just stay afloat for the next two years, John and I feel like things will start to mellow out a bit. But for now, our life is very systematic on how we go about things with the boys.  

We change them together, 

feed them together, 

and put them to bed together. 

With Evie, bedtime was (and is) an extremely long process of warm milk, stories, convincing her that going to bed is indeed a good idea….etc. etc. etc; however, with the boys, is it ever easier! 
Why?! 

Because we simply put them to bed! one..two..three..lights out!  

It might sound harsh, but like I’ve said in a previous post, we put up the white burp cloth of surrender a long time ago. There are just too many babies to implement individual routines with each of them!!! However, they really have learned to adapt quite well actually to falling asleep on their own. And they survive…and are thriving even. 

 Each boy  deserves to be seen for who he is. Where ever we go, we have swarms of people staring at them, marveling at "the triplets."  They are seen as a bunch. For some reason, God wanted them to enter the world in this way, together. They will grow up close, and hopefully have a special brother relationship and bond. 
There are lots of benefits to this way, I know. But in this exhausting season, I'm really trying hard to relish and appreciate each boy for who he is and how he was created. They are each so precious. 

Caleb likes to stare. He looks deep into my eyes when I feed him and he studies my face. He has a beautiful, sincere smile, and a sensitive spirit about him. When he cries, its as if someone has truly broke his little heart. It makes you want to do whatever it takes to take away his sorrow.  I think someday he will really love people and have a lot of friends.

All is well with this sleeping boy Caleb

Levi eats a lot ;) He knows what he wants, and he goes after it. He is already rolling over from his belly to his back. He grunts, chews on the nipple of the bottle and protests bedtime. However, he also has a smile that can win anyone over. I predict he will be the first one to walk. And I can see him as an athlete, eating steaks and drinking a gallon of milk before game day. 

Get ready for game day, Levi

James really thrives with one on one time. He acts more like "a premie" than both of the other boys. He sleeps a lot more and most of the time is pretty laid back. He likes a pacifier. He startles easily. He seems to really listen when I talk to him. I think he will think deeply about life and be a determined student. 

Sweet baby James

Of course these predictions are all in fun. Who knows what each of these boys will do or what they will enjoy someday. All I know is that they each have an individual personality, and I am so excited to get to know each one of them and watch them grow into men. They surely are growing boys, almost outgrowing their 3 month clothing (and they are not even 3 months yet!)
I know one thing for sure...I will be cooking a lot of red meat and potatoes for the next few years!!!

Should I be crying...or laughing?!?

Flashback to a year ago: John and I sat across from each other nibbling on sushi while moonlit waves created a rhythmic song below us. In that moment, our biggest care was what we were going to have for dessert. Ah, yes...our vacation in Cancun...

 Sorta like last night actually…we half sat, while hurriedly devouring a soggy chicken and bean burrito. The melodic performance of three wailing 2 month olds and a toddler who just threw cheese everywhere in the kitchen created the perfect dining experience.

 Wow, a lot changes in a year. 

This is our life.  This moment pretty much sums up what is going on in the Patton household right now.

One of the things I dreaded most about my mom leaving us was having to deal with those moments when every child was crying or moaning at the same time…ALONE!  And that moment/s happened day 1…and believe it or not, I survived it. 

Because John’s schedule it pretty flexible, he told me he was going to try and limit his appointments the next couple of weeks until Amanda (our angel nanny!) came up from California on May 2.  Dealing with four kids this age alone is really challenging…it can be done, but you have a better chance of keeping your sanity if you have one more set of hands.  

So yesterday, John told me that he would be gone one hour on a lunch appointment. So for the first time ever, it was just me home alone in the house with the ferocious four. ;)  It was a rather rainy and gloomy day yesterday and I had just made Evie her peanut butter and grape jelly sandwich. Evie ate her lunch, and the boys were quietly minding their own business, and everything seemed to be going smoothly! Ha, piece of cake…I got this…

Well, I realized how quickly things can turn. All of a sudden one of the boys started fussing…then wailing…and then screaming….and then like a quickly spreading virus, the next one picked up on it…and then the next! I now had three inconsolable babies.  I knew it was close to feeding time, so I hurriedly made the bottles. However, Evie decided that she needed a diaper change, and when I told her I had to feed the brothers first, she clung to my leg and wouldn’t let go and wailed “POOPY Mommy...POOPY!!!!” 

I looked out the window at the cold rain and I knew I had a choice: I could laugh or cry. 

I kinda wanted to cry. I wanted to put my hands up and surrender and run out the door and jump off our back deck. 

But instead, I looked down at my red-eyed, miserable 2 year old and just started laughing. Uncontrollably. 

That only made her cry harder and delayed the bottles from getting made, which made the boys even more upset. But I couldn’t help it. This whole situation was ridiculous and the fact that I was the responsible adult in this room made me laugh even more. 

Ten years ago when I was a 21 year old girl playing around at the clubs with my girlfriends, this moment was the farthest thing from my mind as to what I would become.  I soon realized after I stopped laughing that this moment pretty much sums up my life right now. :)

And as John and I sat eating our dinner with the same choir in the background, we both looked at each other and I mouthed, “this too shall pass.” We know all this--smelly diapers, crying and clingy children-- is a season in life….it’s OUR SEASON in life for sure. I still don't know why God chose US for this family. But He did, and so we have to somehow make it through this season...and find a little JOY in it!

This morning at 4 am as I sat feeding the boys in the dark, I couldn’t help but suddenly be grateful for the chaos. I realized that each moment in life we have a choice on how to approach every situation: with humor and gratefulness, or misery and despair  Truthfully, I’ve wanted to dive head first into despair…but where would that leave me?! Which ever path we choose, it quickly becomes all consuming and life either becomes painfully unbearable or surprisingly joyful. 

I've started to get up at 4:00 am each day, and after I’ve fed the boys, I have a choice to go back to bed or start my day. Lately, I brew a cup (or two or three) of coffee and start my day. I read a little devotional as I sit and sip my coffee in the darkness. Today's message confirmed all that I've been feeling: 

  “Don’t worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand….” 

Hmmm, so perfect, and pretty "black and white." I'm not to worry (because it does no good or improve the situation) and instead I am to pray about everything (especially in those moments when I want to cry) and be thankful!  And if I do this, God promises me that I'll experience peace (which is actually better than an all-inclusive resort in Cancun)!

 Just what I need to hear as I begin a new day, dealing with new challenges and four needy, crying children. 

And just what YOU need to hear as you begin your day, with YOUR challenges and YOUR moments when you have a choice to laugh or cry. 

I Hope you Laugh.

Thank you God, for my precious family…for Evelyn, and my three sons, Caleb, Levi and James. Thank you for John, my partner for life, through thick and thin...Give me the strength, and sanity, and humor to make it through another day…And may we ALL LAUGH at the moments when we want to cry!" :) 

Settling In

A lot has happened in the Patton family the last few weeks!

 For one, we are all moved in to our new home…at last! And we have internet! SO we are official! ;)

 The weather has been gorgeous since moving in to our home. The sunlight makes the home glow even more. I know that a home isn’t the key to ultimate happiness and contentment, but it sure is bringing be a lot of joy these days!  I am so grateful for the space, especially after living in essentially one room for a month and a half with so many babies and people! I don’t even care that the carpet is worn in some areas or  that the plumbing has been giving us some problems... I’m in love with this home!!! 

The NEW Patton Home! =)

It is absolutely perfect for us. It has so much natural light, and we overlook the Tualatin river from our back windows.  It has the perfect bedroom for Caleb, Levi and James, and  a lovely little space for Evie and all her toys. It has a daylight basement,  perfect for crazy years of playing and destruction. ;) And the private guest quarters in the lower level is just what we needed!!! (more on that later…) 
It's in a lovely, friendly, quiet neighborhood, with kids and dogs and strollers. 

It is the perfect place to raise our family. =) God has blessed us indeed. 

Moving day was fast paced and a bit chaotic. All things considered, it actually went quite smoothly. Towards the end when we were packing up the final items, we were frantically  sweeping items into boxes as if we were escaping from an approaching enemy! Once John drove the truck across town, John and his Dad and his brother Rob unloaded that huge moving van in record time. Grandma and my mom sat in the living room with the three boys, rocking and feeding them according to schedule, watching everything unfold.  John’s mom took Evie and her two cousins to the park. My sister in law helped me unpack my kitchen. And many of John’s friends showed up to lend a helping hand. It was a team effort, but the day ended with us successfully moved in to our new home. 

Since then, we’ve spent every spare minute unpacking a box, sorting through items, trying to get somewhat settled.

A trip to Target to make this house a HOME! =)

 My Grandma left last Friday. Driving her to the airport was bittersweet. I knew it was time for her to leave because she worked so hard for us, and frankly, she was exhausted. But we would miss her tender care with the boys; she would miss them. She was here almost 5 weeks, and I got used to her presence in the house. 

However, a few days later my Aunt Robin flew in and welcomed us with a hug and an enthusiastic smile. She got right to work and reorganized my whole kitchen! 

We all have spent the past few days enjoying the gorgeous weather, taking walks with the boys and Evie around our new neighborhood. 

Perhaps one of the most difficult thoughts swirling through my head lately is the fact that my mom, who has been here since Jan. 20, is leaving in less than a week. She has been with us through it all. She arrived three weeks before I gave birth when I hobbled around, weak from the hospital and weighed down from the 15 lbs of baby inside of me. She watched Evie during our stay in the hospital which happened to be when Portland’s winter blast occurred.  She cared for me when I came home from the hospital with the boys, overwhelmed and exhausted. She has sacrificed her sleep and health so that I could heal and thrive. She helped us pack, prayed for a renter and saw us through our move. She continues to care and love my children so I can have the freedom to unpack and get things in order. 

And now, she is leaving. I will have to do this without her. 

I will miss her more than I can write. She has been an encouragement to me and a source of strength.  Her sacrifice and hard work for us has been an inspiration. I wish she could stay forever, but I know she can’t. I am an adult woman, with four kids, and together John and I must now figure out how we are going to do this. 

"Ok Levi...time for a story!"

It became very clear to us quickly that we can’t do this alone. And although we have family and friends who are eager to help us out, we can’t expect or rely solely on them everyday. We realized we need hired help.

 As I mentioned before, our house has a very private bottom level area, perfect for a live in nanny/"right hand woman!". John and I decided that this would be our best option because we could exchange some  hours for room and board. We also realized that we need flexilbity in hours. 
So, we made the decision to start looking for a new member of the Patton family for a season.  Honestly, it is slightly scary to think of someone living here, working beside me during the day and eating dinner with us at night. I like my quiet times alone, but I know that this is what must happen in order to survive the next few years. 


So we began to ask around. We posted our ad on Craigslist. Friends referred friends... and friends of friends! We had phone interviews, a few in-person interviews. We called references and did background checks. We prayed for the right person to come along, for discernment in each conversation. 

And there was a moment when we thought we'd found the one....but it turned out it wasn't meant to be. 

A friend suggested we join Care.com, so we did. I immediately started getting responses to my ad. And then one morning, I got a message from a  21 year old girl name Amanda from California. She seemed sweet and full of life. She worked at Disney land for a season, and she was really involved in her church. She was looking to move to Portland. There was an instant connection on the phone and then John and I had a Skype interview. Her references went on and on about how great she was. And so we offered her the job. And she accepted!! 

So,in about two weeks, Amanda will be packing up her life in California and driving up to join our family here in Portland...and we couldn't be more excited or feel more at peace. It's definitely a new experience for John and me, and I'm sure she is a bit apprehensive too. But this is all part of our adventure as we raise our daughter and boys. And I have a feeling that she was meant to be a part of all this too. 

SOS!

Packin up and movin out

We are  outta here in a few short days. The pictures are off the walls, there are boxes everywhere, and tomorrow night we will be sleeping on a mattress on the floor. Stuff is being packed away and shipped off to our new place across town. The anticipation of this move and our new home has been building over the past 9 months. Honestly, my heart and sights have been in our new home since we signed the ownership papers in July. I feel like I’ve been living in transition for so long and finally this is actually happening. 

The boys have outgrown their shared pack n’ play in our family room, so we’ve had to rotate one of them at night to the swing. Surprisingly, they have also outgrown their newborn clothing! I never thought that they would be in the next size in a mere 7 weeks; but they are eating, growing boys… with an abundance of 3 month size clothing stored in the new house.

 We’ve been prepping Evie about the move for months now. She has visited the new house several times, so it wont be a total shock when she finally stays. We’ve also been talking about her “big girl bed” she will transition to so that her brothers can have her crib. She talks about all this and seems to understand all that is taking place. It doesn’t seem to bother her a bit that she will soon be in a new place. 

I’ve gotten to go out on some runs and walks this week. It struck me that all these streets and paths I’ve traveled over the last 6.5 years will soon be a memory. I will have new places to explore. Even my “go-to” grocery store will be different. All this is extremely exciting to me, but I must admit, I’ve had moments of reflection about our little house on Sorrento Rd. We have many memories here, and in a small way, it makes me feel uncomfortable at the thought of another family walking around the floor where Evie took her first steps…eating dinner where we’ve hosted so many dinner parties…living in the basement John designed and built.  I know John will miss his basement. It was built with his vision and sweat, and it his is little oasis where he works and lives during the day. 
And then there are our trees. In front of our house we have the biggest sequoia trees in the area. They are over 400 years old, and I’ve always been enchanted by them. 
And there is our maple tree that turns the most beautiful orange in late October; it casts a deep fall glow throughout our kitchen every year.

 And Spring. I’m enjoying the last few days of our yellow flowers and camilas and tulips that pop out of our yard. Yes, there are things I will miss about this house. It is a charming house, one that captured my heart when I walked into it almost 7 years ago. We built so many memories inside these walls. But I am ready for the next chapter. 

I feel like our new home represents that beginning of our family of six. It has the space for us, all the rooms I dreamed to have. It’s the perfect little neighborhood with young families and quiet streets.  Sometimes during hard moments here I catch myself putting all my hope into this next space, that somehow life will be better and get easier. But I know in my heart that a home will not do this. It will make life a little more exciting for awhile, but soon it will be just our home, and we will still have the same struggles and things we must get through. 
A home will not take away sleepless nights, or sickness, or pure emotional and physical exhaustion. It wont solve our problems or fulfill our dreams. It is a place where our family will live, but how we live in it is what matters. I see this home not as a fresh start, but as a continuation of what we’ve already started nine years ago when John and I pledged to spend the rest of our days together. 

I'm so ready to a make more memories!!!

8250 Sorrento Rd
2007-2014

Christmas Parties rocked our house!

Christmas Party 2008

Many nights by our fireplace

Watching the world go by our front window

Bringing Evie home

Oh Beautiful Fall in our backyard

Book Club in the backyard July 2013

It's One Thing after Another...6 week update

The past few weeks have been frustrating, not due to fussy babies but because someone in this house always has an ailment or illness. With so many people living in such close quarters day after day, germs just get passed around...and with broken sleep cycles, immune responses are not as strong. It all started a few weeks ago when John and my in laws woke up with a stomach bug, I had mastitis, my Grandma was dehydrated and thus sick, and Evie sounded like a barking seal. We were a sorry group of people walking around here. Evie ended up having a really bad cold, which traveled to her ear causing an ear infection. Inevitably, my mom got her cold and she's been suffering with it for over a week now. It's a wicked cold, burning her lungs and causing her extreme exhaustion. She keeps trudging onward though, working and taking care of the babies despite how she feels. However, I think her lack of sleep is prolonging her healing.
Yesterday I went to the doctor because after  almost 6 weeks of healing, my incision from my c-section seems to be infected. Thus, another round of antibiotics for me. Then this morning, my grandma expressed that she thinks she's getting a head cold.
And the cycle keeps going.

I anticipated many hardships during these first few weeks, yet I seemed to overlook all this! We all try to take care of each other, insisting that the weakest one rest or go to bed early. However, I'm really ready for everyone to just feel normal again!

Speaking of feeling normal...I was able to take Evie out -just the two of us- a few mornings this past week. When I was with her, it almost felt as if the boys were all a dream. We fell back into our little routines and Evie was thrilled to be with "just mommy." I also wondered why I ever thought having one child was so difficult! ;)

Spending some time with Just Evie

We are in this transition limbo right now too. The move is happening in a week and a half, yet it's difficult to pack up because we are still very much living in this house. We are 90% certain we have a renter for our house!

And, my Dad is flying in tonight to finally meet his new grandsons! He just started a new job so he really doesn't have any vacation time. Therefore, his trip is going to be very short. He will fly in late tonight and leave first thing Sunday morning. Evie expressed that she is very excited to see grandpa.

So we carry on...feeding and taking care of the children while trying to take care of ourselves. Again, we feel so very blessed by the love and support of our community in all this.  The meals have been a huge blessing to us...and we truly can feel everyone's prayers and thoughts during this period of transition.

3-7-14: One Month update

3-7-14

Today there was sun!!! And today my mom and I took a walk, each with a stroller and a baby.
  James and Caleb had a good time in the fresh air ( I know my mom and I did too!)  Levi had to be left inside, but next time it's his turn. Yet another aspect of being born a triplet: taking turns.
I have to say that the flowers and crisp spring air renewed my spirit.

Today the boys turn one month old. We like to joke and say, "they haven't even been born yet" because their actual birthdate is March 9 (if they were one baby) We joke about it because it's such a ridiculous thing to say because these boys are growing!!! I looked in the crib this morning and gasped because they have changed so so much in a mere four weeks. They definitely don't look like premies. They were weighed on Tuesday and they are all way over 6 lbs!

James, Levi and Caleb: No premies here!

They have been eating really well and have filled out. Their eyes are open more...and they are using their lungs more too! ;)  A lot has happened in the last month actually,which is hard to believe because it seems like all we do is feed babies. :)

 IN addition to my mom being here (who has been helping us since Jan 20) my wonderful grandma flew in last Saturday. We like to call her "the baby whisperer". She raised 5 kids and 13 grand kids and now has 4 great grand kids. She is amazing, and her presence here has kept us all reasonably sane.  We have a good rhythm around here in regards to feeding schedules and sleeping/wake schedules. With four adults in the house, everyone gets a chance to sleep and this whole thing is working.

Baby Whisperer

For now, there are moments of calm and peace in the house. I even got to go to Bible study this morning with Evie, and I felt somewhat normal. However, this would have been impossible without two moms at home taking care of the fellas. :) It was nice to be with just Evie again and do something that used to be apart of our weekly routine.

There have been many sweet moments this past week.  There are four generations of women in this home (poor John!).  My mom, Grandma and I sit  a lot feeding babies, laughing and talking about many things. It even gets funnier when we each have a glass of wine at the end of the day. :)
I really am savoring these precious moments together. My Grandma and I are usually up early together and we get to sit in the dark for a few moments, sip a cup of coffee and talk about life. She is and always has been such a special person in my life. I feel so lucky that I get to share my children with her and she can experience being a great grandmother.

Evie and Levi with their Grandma and Great Grandma

Grandma love

On a completely different subject, the move is getting closer and closer!!!  John is heading this whole thing up, and he is working around the clock it seems getting things in order. A portable pod arrived on our driveway yesterday and it is already somewhat filled. I am so looking forward to getting everything moved and set up in the new house. The space will be a dream come true. The areas in this house just seems to be getting smaller and smaller as the boys get bigger and bigger! 

Here we go!!! Packing up the house! 

And...Evie had her first haircut at Little Clippers in Lake Oswego. That place is amazing... truly a hair cutting utopia for kids. They get to sit in  little cars, hold ponies,watch movies and enjoy a play area. Evie really wasn't a fan of the actual "cutting part" but she sure loved being with JUST mommy and daddy. It hasn't been just the three of us in a very long time. She was a happy little girl.

Before

A little sad

Done! :) 

                Well, ONE MONTH DOWN....a lifetime to go!

Transitioning to our New Life

It's March, and a little over three weeks ago, my life changed forever...again. There have been many events in my life-in any person's life- which make us pause and consider the absolute, life-altering, forever  change that has occurred. 

For me, these events have involved "adding people" to my life. I have to say, the first life- altering event was marriage 9 years ago. Although wonderful and rewarding and definitely something I wanted and chose to do, suddenly my life was no longer my own. Not only did my name change, but my identity as well. I was now a wife. It added responsibility to my life, and required me to consider someone else other than just myself.  

The second event that changed my life-our life- forever was having our first child Evelyn Grace. Again, although she added so much joy and purpose to our lives, our plans and agendas diminished. 

I suddenly became a mom.  

And now, obviously the birth of our triplet sons is the next life-altering event which brings up all these same feelings again, of trying to figure out a new normal while grieving and processing the change from our former life.  

Someone asked me the other day what was the hardest part about having our triplets so far, and I quickly answered, "the loss of freedom." Yes, having one baby made me feel the same way, but soon I got a routine and rhythm down that allowed me to strap her easily into the car, and she and I were always out and about. No, I couldn't have coffee dates or lunches with friends as I did before...pedicures and hair appointments had to wait until I could find someone to watch her, but I could stroll her around Target and walk around the neighborhood.  I do admit that I remember using the word "trapped" to describe how I felt having a newborn.  

Now, with three newborns the feeling is even more so. 

 The only logical thing to do right now is stay cozy in my house...day after day after day right now...

 I'm not sure where the month of February went. Each day mixed into the next and suddenly we have three week old boys. 

Some moments I start to panic: Will I ever leave the house again?! 

This is my new life. It's more complicated, more work and way more sacrificial  than I ever imagined.

However, I have learned that adding people to my life also adds an abundant amount of joy too. There have been moments when John and I have admitted to each other that we miss our family of three. But I reminded John that when Evie was born, we said we missed our family of two. With any significant change, there is a period of transition, of trying to figure out a new normal. We are definitely in that transition period. 

I know what I'm going through right now is a slow process of transformation. My former self is being chiseled away slowly as I realize and try to make sense that my life is no longer my own, again. I mourn the loss of that. I do. 

I have  hope though, a hope that someday my life will somehow have order again and that it will feel normal to be this way. I know it will take time. I know that I must focus on one day at a time. 

John and I sometimes talk about the things we will do 20 years from now. We dream about the places we will go again and the freedom we will enjoy once again. Somehow though, I have this deep feeling that 20 years from now we will be sitting quietly at our kitchen table and say, "I miss our family of six." We will be "suddenly two" and perhaps our new found freedom will actually seem like a loss.

 So I'm doing everything I can to embrace this period of transition, to hold on to these moments even when they are tough. I pray that I am able to see beyond this, to view this period as a rapidly evolving season. 

I pray for patience, for peace and joy. I pray that friends will be able to see my divided time and not forget about me. I pray for sanity among moments of chaos, and a marriage that stays strong even when things are less than romantic.

 I pray for many things, but my most frequent prayer is that I never lose sight of what a blessing these three boys are and what a gift has been granted to John and me to raise them.