Operation Search and Destroy

My alarm woke me up this morning and I shot out of bed in the middle of a dream. I hate when that happens because I feel groggy and out of sorts all day. 

I’ve had so much caffeine today, but my eyes are still heavy.

The three boys have conspired to search and destroy my entire home. 
They are into all the cabinets, tipping, grabbing and stealing everything neatly placed inside. 

They are in the pantry, snacking on crackers after dinner. 

They even try to get into the liquor cabinet.

                                     They unfold all the organized laundry. 

              They topple over  the stacked diapers.

                                                               They decimate every space they encounter! 

I left the room for one moment today and darted back after I heard the sound of glasses been pulled out to the floor. I  couldn't get them to stop either! I tried to hold one back but the other was even more determined to get through, and I had a moment of mild panic at being overtaken!
 They are an intimidating group and they have the potential to do some real damage together. 
Operation "take over and destroy my house" has officially begun and I feel the battle of wills waging. 

I don't remember Evie' being so set on opening every cabinet and pulling everything out. I think it's a boy thing...or maybe a mob thing! Whatever it is, home life has reached a new level of chaotic. 

Levi and James are constantly picking on each other too. James knows exactly what buttons to press to totally frustrate Levi. He will casually steal a beloved toy, causing Levi to totally lose it and attack James by pounding him over the head, scratching at his face or biting his arm. For Levi, pushing James out of the way via his face has become an automatic response it seems. Just this morning Levi was playing with a musical toy and James crawled over to play too.  At every attempt, Levi just reached back and shoved his face to the ground. Poor James kept getting up and trying again, only to be beaten down again. 

I don't intervene too often because I think they need to learn how to settle conflict at a young age. I think this is just the beginning of a lifelong love/hate relationship that will be physical at times, being that they are boys.  I guess I think they need to learn how to tough it out. No wimpy boys in this home. 

However, I've noticed that little Caleb just stays out of it. He keeps to himself. No one really bothers him either. James will occasionally steal a toy or two, but Caleb will just surrender and find something else to play with.  

Their little personalities are really showing. Levi gets so proud of himself because he can stand, unassisted. James finds such joy in teasing Levi, and Caleb just delights in the small things in life. For example, he is totally amazed by a flock of birds that glide over head. I still think he has a glimpse into the heavenly realm. 

It is a blustery March day and all the pedals from the blooming trees are flying all over the place. It looks like snow. The trees that line my street are losing their pedals and it looks like a milky, silken path. 

It seems like just yesterday there was a golden path beneath them when they lost their leaves in the fall! 

Spring has sprung and the weather has been beautiful;

 it doesn't really matter though because there is no good place to take three crawling babies, especially outside. 

 They are so curious as to what is beyond the walls and doors of our home. If we open the door a little bit, all three of them rush over to it like a herd of goats from an animal pen, and I have to yell for assistance to get them all back inside. Without someone else with me, I am pretty stuck. I can’t even take Evie outside because I can’t keep watch over three crawling curious little ones. Even WITH someone with me it is pretty challenging.

However, on Friday it was so beautiful outside that we got the crazy idea to venture out with everyone.  Amanda and I hoisted the huge, behemoth of a stroller into our trunk and drove to the local park to meet my friend, Becky and her two kids. 

Luckily, Becky is always the super prepared mom and had two things I didn’t bring: sand toys and good snacks. 

Snacks is usually an after thought and something I have to get better at preparing.  I threw a package of saltine crackers into my bag at the last moment; but 30 min into playing, my kids were ravenous apparently and saltines weren't going to cut it. So I sent Amanda out with the mini van to McDonald's to get some cheese burgers. 
The mini van has seen better days. It smells like sour spilled milk (because that is what happened several weeks ago in the back seat) and there are remnants of crackers and half eaten girl scout cookies all over the floor. I'm sure Amanda felt so young and hip going through the McDonald's drive thru in that thing. 

Our flock totally took over the playground. We staked a claim on the baby swings and set up our camp around the sand pit. Everyone seemed to be intimidated by the mass of babies and children that they pretty much stayed away. There were sand, hamburgers, and random socks strewn all about, but the kids all had a good time.

 We managed to stay about two hours, and no one was injured, just totally and completely covered in sand. 

I'm sure the park was eerily quiet after our pack vacated the area (and there were more swings too) 

So it can be done, the park with three mischievous babies and a three year old. Fun? Ah, sort of. A lot of energy and work? Ah, YES! 
I'm tempted to say that it will be better once they can walk, but I know with the early stages of walking there will be even more challenges with taking them all out together. (Can you say LEASHES!)

One day maybe I can sit on a bench and be a spectator while my boys attack each other on the monkey bars and Evie declares herself Queen of the Park. But for now, it's all about participation, getting down and dirty and full of McDonald's cheese burger. 

Refreshment!

My heart is so full. 

And the sun is SO bright! 
And life is better than it's been. 

 For the past month, my mom has been here and the burden was lighter and my spirit regained strength. 

AND...when my Dad came for the week during the boys’ birthday, my parents decided they wanted to honor our year of success by holding down the fort so we could escape for two nights and three days.  

TWO NIGHTS! 

THREE DAYS! 

John and I left early Wednesday morning for downtown Portland, totally giddy. We spent our days wandering.

And it was amazing. 

We wandered through book stores, tea shops, malls and strange Portland streets.  We ate and drank our way through the city. 

                                                        Just the two of us. 

We even went bowling! haha! 

It was such a precious gift. 

 It was so refreshing, for us, and for our marriage and our state of mind. 

My mom was right.  She insisted that Everyone needs a little time away. 

 It felt like our early years together. We had flashbacks of what it was like before our kids. I also realized that  if we always did these things…the eating out, the fun excursions, the shopping, it would all be so meaningless so quickly. Three days was just right amount of time to refuel our tanks. 

I came back so grateful, so happy and so ready to be with my family again.

Lee-man!

In other news, the time I did spend with my mom and dad was very special. The time with my dad was especially cherished because I really don’t see him that much anymore. We had lunch together one day and browsed a used book store, just like old times. 

James and Grandpa

Good byes were bitter sweet. I’m used to them now though. I’ve learned to grab on and enjoy every moment I have with that person when they are with me. 

But I know that when they leave, it is time. I knew my mom especially was worn out after a month. She missed her friends, her home, her life in Illinois. 

I have my life too here, and we both knew that we needed to once again resume our separate lives. 

Always a smile from my Caleb

And so after John drove them to the airport, it was us again. 

Lookin' good James!

And me, well, I feel recharged, ready to keep on going and I feel like I have a refreshed perspective. 

It was a reminder to me again that God truly loves and cares for my family and me. 

 He promised to give me the strength I need to make it through the task he has given me, that is, of raising 3 one year olds and 1 three year old, and being a nice wife too ;) 

I felt Him whisper that promise to me the day the doctor looked me in the eye and tried to convince me to put a needle in the beating heart of Caleb.  I knew that if I chose the harder road, HE would sustain me. He always supplies the people and circumstances at just the right time in my life to keep me afloat. 

He is faithful; and I am forever grateful.

Happy birthday Caleb, Levi and James Patton!!!

This is the post I’ve been waiting to write, but really didn't think would ever happen.

1 YEAR completed!!! 1 year to celebrate!!!!

 1 

whole 
 beautiful,
    horrible,
       amazing,
          exhausting
365
       days.

A year ago it was snowing like crazy. We were in our hospital room,  spoon feeding our preemie babies milk around the clock. I was completely overwhelmed and truly didn't know how I would make it to this day today. 

But here I am. Here WE are. John and I, a team.  We are celebrating with friends and family, watching our big, healthy, happy boys smash cake in their face. I am so so grateful and so so amazed and humbled by God's provision during this entire year. 

One year!!!

One day!

So much this year. SO MUCH! 

This year tested me beyond what I thought I was able to endure.

This year brought about so many moments when I simply stood in awe and pinched myself, still unable to believe that this was all happening to me.

This year brought such deep dark moments of frustration and exhaustion. 

It tested me in every way possible. 

It brought out the worst in me.

It made me realize who I want to be. 

Everyone keeps telling me that we are over the worst of it, that it will only get easier from here on out. 
I sure hope so. I really don't know what could be harder than raising a 2 year old and three babies at the same time. 
 Honestly, you really couldn't pay me any amount of money to redo the past year again. 

I look forward to waking up tomorrow and starting year number 2 with my beautiful family. 

The boys are really coming into their own. 

Caleb  delights in people; he always has and he always will, I believe. 
He also enjoys opening all the cabinets in the kitchen, pulling everything out on the floor and diving head first into freshly laundered clothing. He has the most carrot red hair I’ve ever seen on a baby, and he gets around in his little army crawl. He always has a smile for everyone. 

Levi is the gentle giant. For as much as he eats and as heavy as he is, he still likes cuddles from soft objects… and women. ;) He is so annoyed by baby food and prefers to chew real, meaty food. He’s the first one to start dancing whenever their is a rhythmic  beat and he will let you know if there is a problem. In fact, the whole house will know if Levi has a problem.  He is pulling himself up on anything stable and has full command of the house. I predict he will be the first one walking in a few months.

And then there is James. James is truly a mama's boy. His little bean pole legs crawl rapidly across the wood floor as he cries forlornly, “mamamama” He is most content just being held; he clings on like a little koala bear. He is a picky eater. If a texture or flavor surprises him, he immediately spits it back out of his mouth. He enjoys chasing balls around the kitchen and getting into mischief with Levi, especially when it comes to climbing the staircase! He hates getting his face wiped. He is always delighted by an object with wheels. 

Even though this blog post is focusing on the boys, I’m going to touch on Evie too. She has also come a long way in a year. A year ago she was still very much a diaper wearing, barely talking toddler. 

Now, a year later, she is a potty trained, social butterfly who enjoys school, her friends and doing art. I know it has been a tough year of transition for her as she slowly learns what it means to be a big sis of three brothers.

We had a joyous celebration today. My Mom and Dad both flew in from Chicago to partake in the festivities, which was very special.

We had a party in a gym. There were hot dogs, and face painting, and frosting, and laughing. We were surrounded by friends who have supported, loved and prayed for us throughout this long year. It was the perfect way to end this year and begin the next. 

There is so much I want to say that I just can't put into words. 

Honestly, I am tired,  so I will end here for now. =)

Happy birthday to my three sons, Caleb, Levi and James. I love you all more than I can say. 
Each of you is my favorite 
and I can't wait for year number 2 with you crazy fellas. 

xoxox mama

Our Escape

This morning I slept in until 7:45 am and I woke up feeling awake, refreshed and not irritated. I didn’t feel like I hit a brick wall. 
I didn’t even need an IV line of coffee right away. 
I felt like I was doing something wrong!

 Until I had kids, I never realized what a luxury it was to be able to sleep until you woke up naturally...even one day a week. 
I find myself now getting so irritated at people who talk about sleeping until 9 or “catching up on sleep.” Yes, I was once that person on Saturday mornings who got to sleep and wake up and then drift back to sleep and wake up and saunter downstairs, leisurely eat my breakfast in peace and then wander back upstairs to sleep again .
 The cycle of never sleeping until you are fully rested can drive a person mad. It really does affect everything: emotions, attitude, patience...the entire spirit!

If I’m being honest, I’ve been struggling in all those categories the past few weeks. I’ve felt like I am sinking deeper and deeper into a deep dark hole.  Some days I’ve felt just so  depleted I just wanted to wither away. 

 I think it’s the day to day, never ending, taking care of everything and everyone grind that just started pulling me down. 
Housework that never gets done. 
Babies who are more needy. 
A three year old who has very dramatic episodes.
Friends who I feel disconnected from.
A lot of family who is so far away. 
Sleep I never seem to get caught up on. 


I am just being honest here. Honest with my feelings. I am human, and although I Know I have so much to be grateful for and there are so so many blessings in my life, I can't help but feel worn. 

When Evie was 15 months old, John and I flew to Chicago, dropped Evie with my parents and spent 5 days in Mexico. 
I remember not caring if we even made it to Mexico. I didn't care if we flew back and forth in the air plane! We had no one else to worry about except ourselves and it was so refreshing. 
I remember we came back from that trip feeling truly married again. 

Mexico 2013

Its easy to start feeling like teammates rather than a married couple when your attentions are always on small children and household matters. 

A few months ago I was expressing this concern to one of my very dearest friends Esther. I know it's normal to feel this way in this season in life. 
She told me we needed to make date night a priority, time away a necessity in order to get through this season still happily married. 

But if you know Esther, it doesn't stop there. She comes back with a plan. 

Sure enough, later that day, she called me up and told me that she and her husband had a brilliant idea: they wanted to spend the night at our house with their three kids and take care of our four kids so John and I could get away for a night. 

At first I didn’t know what to say. It was so generous. 

John, on the other hand, was jumping around the kitchen giddy, holding up a piece of paper with the words, “Just say YES” written on it. 

After some discussing, we agreed and found a date that worked for both of us. 

January 9 was highlighted on my calendar. 
 And it honestly couldn’t have come at a better time. I was sinking fast, and John assured me this was just what I needed. 

John has always been someone who plans and surprises me with dates and outings. And this Friday was no different. He had the whole 20 hours planned, and it was fabulous. 

We left right after we put the kids down for their afternoon nap at 1:00. John’s parents came over until Esther’s family could come over for the night. 
We hopped in that car, pulled out of the drive way and really couldn’t believe we were going to be kid free for 20 hours. 


                                                    And this is why I slept in until 7:45. 
(I admit, I did hear phantom baby crying.)

I was reminded of some things I took for granted before I had kids:

1. Being able to shower as long as I want 
2. Sitting and drinking coffee and actually enjoying the coffee instead of it being consumed as  a means of survival
3. Sleeping until I wake naturally
4. Having an adult conversation and not being interrupted
5. Thinking only about yourself when getting ready to go out someplace
6. Arriving somewhere, getting out of the car, closing your door... and that's it
7. Taking a nap

And all the kids and house survived, even thrived. When I opened the door Saturday morning, Esther and Jared had all seven kids around the table eating snacks peacefully. Laundry was done and folded. Sheets changed. Bathroom cleaned. 

Um, can you say super-woman?! Can we keep all of you? 

Enough love to go around

And it was refreshing for our marriage. 
There weren’t multiple babies screaming at us, 
              toilets that needed to be plunged
 or a three year old making demands.
I wasn't exhausted. 
I felt like more than a mom.


 It’s hard to believe that this used to be our life, just the two of us to think about.  Really, it was not that long ago.
 And I know, someday, it will be our life again. 
But right now, it’s truly all about the kids. 

We decided  that we need to make date nights and intentional time together more of a priority in our life.  Having a thriving marriage affects everything. 

Sink or swim TOGETHER. 



..and maybe someday we will even float! Hehe, imagine that!

 And we will still really like each other and floating around will be fun!  


Hopefully we will be wiser, stronger, more patient; and I am looking forward to finally catching up on sleep. ;)

(But I swear I'll always hear phantom baby crying.)