Happy 2nd Birthday!

To my three two year old sons,

A message from your mother.

You are two now. 

When I had you, I sobbed in your daddy’s arms because I was so overwhelmed and the future seemed like too much to handle. 

Having you was not part of my plan.

But now as I think back on the past two years, I couldn’t have dreamed of better sons or a more blessed life. 

Daddy didn’t really know how to comfort me when I cried and worried. He only said, “Let’s just focus on surviving for two years."

Two years seemed like an eternity away. 

The “day in and day out” of life just seemed like too much at times. 

It still does. 

But here we are. 

Two years. Day by day.

Love is powerful. Love fuels sacrifice. Love changes people. I can say that my love for you has changed me. It's an extremely painful, exhausting, excruciating chipping away process; a chiseling of my former self. Sometimes I don't know who I am anymore.

 I feel lost in it all. 

But I know that in it there is a plan and a greater purpose evolving. 

It's all worth it. 

You are all worth it. 

Dear Caleb,

My firstborn son. My joy. The one who refuses to let a day go by without smiling or laughing. People were afraid you wouldn’t walk, because you crawled last and you couldn’t sit up like your brothers. However you shocked us all by taking your first step first and navigating the stairs standing all by yourself. You love people. You smile at the ones who usually don’t get a second glance. You love the outdoors and exploring and talking to neighborhood cats. You insist that I don't take myself or life too seriously, as I’m prone to do. You give me hope that one day there will be a lot of laughter around our dining room table. 

Dear Levi,

You have such a sensitive heart and spirit. I love the way you love your family. I love the way you talk to me and explain exactly what you need and what is really going on. Yes, you can be a bit dramatic at times, but I know that you just have a strong sense of justice. As a newborn you observed the world around you and were very interested in how the world worked. Even now, you help me to see the world with a fresh perspective  You give me hope that I will always have someone who will want to hang out with his mama.

Dear James,

It took awhile for your personality to come out because you slept  a lot as a baby. Even now, you prefer to lounge, drink juice, watch TV and have your back scratched. However, I see that assertive spirit in you, and I know that it will be channeled into something incredible. Basketball will undoubtedly be a part of your future, and I’m so excited to sit on the sideline and cheer you on at all your games. I know that deep down inside you are a team player, and I'm so grateful you are on our team. 

First haircut!

I couldn't imagine my life now without doing everything for "four." 

Happy 2nd birthday boys. You are loved. You are cherished. You are my boys-my Caleb, my Levi, my James-forever.

Love, 

Your mama