Suddenly Six!: Caleb

Caleb. Oh my sweet, darling Caleb boy, with his red fuzzy hair and pointy ears and a smile that makes anyone sigh.

Caleb has won the hearts of so many people in his 5 little months of life. He was the first one born, yet the smallest. He was “triplet A” in the womb, perfectly head down, “the gatekeeper.” It was his job to keep everyone tucked inside until 36 weeks. He did his job well.

Caleb is the blob on the right

The doctors showed me his little round head over the operating curtain first.
“Your first son,” the doctor said before pulling him back down again.
Levi and James were nestled together; their heads laid against each other during their development. Therefore, their heads are oval and big and manly. Caleb, on the other hand, was born with a perfectly round little head, just like his sister Evie.

Caleb's round little head on the left

And just like his sister Evie, I noticed how he rested his head. Always to the right. No matter what we did, he preferred the right.

First Bath: Evie

First Bath: Caleb

Some of you know that we noticed a very severe flat spot in the back of Evie’s head when she was a few months old. At nine months, after being examined by a cranial specialist at OHSU, she was fitted with her very own pink helmet.

For three months, our sweet girl wore her helmet 24/7 in order to reshape her soft head. The good news is that it worked! However, the whole procedure was expensive and time consuming.

And I was that mom with a baby in a helmet.

I swore I’d never let that happen again. I mean, what are the odds of having one, let alone TWO children in helmets! However, when I looked down at little sweet Caleb sleeping in his crib at a few weeks old, I noticed the very same head tilt.

During the next few weeks, despite my greatest efforts, I was unable to keep his head from tilting to the right. And then at about 1.5 months, I noticed his misshaped head and I had a horrible feeling that he was headed in the same direction as his sister.

Sure enough, 5 months later, I sat with my boy Caleb in the same room at OHSU, and he was examined by the same doctor as Evie.

After his examination, the doctor scribbled down the same diagnosis: Severe assymetical head shape.
Prescription: Helmet.

So we are headed down the same path. We’ve been through it once, so it’s not as overwhelming or devastating as it was with Evie.

Out of all the chidlren, Caleb and Evie seem to have a special connection. Caleb just can’t take his eyes off his interesting sister. Even when she teases him and pokes him, he gives her the biggest smile and a full bellied giggle. Whenever I ask Evie which brother she wants to take with us on an outing, it’s always Caleb.

I have to say, their newborn pictures look strikingly similar.

Evie

Caleb

My grandma was in town visiting for 2 weeks, and she suggested we just take Evie and one of the boys to the farmers market on Saturday. We took Caleb and Evie (we do rotate the boys, I promise). Being out and about with just the two of them was SO EASY!!! John and I both felt like we could conquer the world. Caleb was so incredibly good in his little car seat stroller that I forgot we had him at times. He didn’t fuss or make a peep the whole time. He just smiled up at me with his beautiful blue eyes. Evie was in a good mood too. In fact, everything was so wonderful that we went out for pizza!

Suddenly, something unexpected slipped out of my mouth. I said to John, “This is what our life was supposed to be like.”

But immediately after those words came out of my mouth-no BEFORE I even finished saying them-I took them back in my heart.

Which boy would I give up?! WHICH ONE?! I truly couldn’t imagine not having any one of my sons. Yes, life is a lot harder right now than it would have been if we were a “normal” young family with a toddler and a newborn…but that is not how it was supposed to be for us.
How dare I say what I said.

I am ashamed of myself.

I’m realizing that with having three boys the same age, it’s hard not to compare them to eachother. James is rolling over and kicking around; both him and Levi try desperately to stand everytime I hold them upright. They’ve been putting pressure on their little legs for months now. But Caleb, he just doesn’t have any strength yet. His legs are like collapsed rubber bands. His head still bobbles around; he is the smallest of the boys. Even as a blinking light in the ultrasound at five weeks old, his little heart showed up to be the smallest one.

I’ll never forget the first thing the doctor said to us after he turned off the ultrasound machine that day, July 19, 2013 after we discovered the three beating hearts.
“Let me talk to you about selective reduction.”

Selective reduction?!

He pointed to Caleb’s little blinking heart on the screen.
“This one is the smallest. We’d do this one.”

My Caleb. My precious, red-headed, pointy eared, assymetical headed little Caleb. They suggested-highly encouraged us-to reduce. To put a needle filled with saline into his little heart and dissolve him.

Although I was beyond shocked and overwhelemed and scared that day we found out we’d have three babies, never could I dissolve the beating heart that was already living within me. Even though I did say to John in a moment of panic, “we can’t do this! How are we going to do this?!" I knew we had to.
The doctor went on to explain all the risks for mother and babies that went along with a triplet pregnancy. The room was spinning at that point; but I remember a peace fell over me, and I knew that somehow it was going to be ok.

This was our story and somehow we were going to get through it.

Everytime we went in for an ultrasound and check up during those first few months, the doctor always brought up selective reduction to us. Finally, on our last visit before we’d be transfered to our regular, high risk OB/GYN, he looked me right in the eye and said, “So have you given anymore thought about keeping all these babies?”

And I looked him right in the eyes in return and said, “We want to keep all of our children.”

And then after that, he handed me a book about multiple pregnancy and said, “Good luck to you.”

And the pregnancy is behind me now. We are on the other side and 5 months in already. I made sure to send that doctor one of our birth announcement cards with the pictures of our three beautiful healthy, 5 lb baby boy triplets.