A Good Sigh

In a family, there are so many relationships to attend to and nurture.
 Sometimes it can feel like a full time job.
Between the sky scrapers of laundry and the never-ending pile of broken toys that need batteries or repairs, life has a way of filling up every spare moment, which leaves very little time for the things that matter, the people.

Welcome 2020. What a party.

Having lunch with a girlfriend the other day, she asked me how I was doing.  To my own surprise, I answered her with a big (happy) sigh. I was taken back by my response because since the start of school, my replies to this question have always been an exaggerated (but honest) "Amazing!"
When I took a moment to reflect on my sigh, I realized that it was due to the desire and pressures to maintain so many very important relationships in my life.
And, I'm striving to do better than simply maintain them; I'm trying to thrive in them.


As my kids are getting older, my role has taken on more than just caretaker to them. I now want to have a relationship with them. It takes a lot of intention and work because I don't just want to be with them, I want to know them, understand them and encourage them. And that takes time.

James on our rare one-on-one date at Burgerville

Sitting in line at the DEQ the other day, I quickly dialed the number to our children's doctor to make my kids a long over due "well child" visit.  While on the phone with the receptionist, I am interrupted by a call from the school nurse telling me that Levi is in the office complaining of a "hurt jaw and bottom teeth pain."
"He told me is ran into a soccer pole 10 days ago," the nurse said.
This is news to me. When she asked me what I wanted to do, I told her to send him back to class and I'd investigate it later.
Clicking back to the receptionist at the doctor's office, she informed me that she finally found a time slot that would work for all four kids to be seen at the same time.
"We usually don't do this large of an appointment," she explained. "But your situation is unique, so the doctor gave permission."
Unique.
 If that is my case, I took some solace in that and diagnosed my sigh.

A lot of my days are filled with tasks and errands that are related to my family. There are always new shoes to buy, or pants or coats; there is hair to untangle and nails to clip. My life is filled with so much maintenance that I have to create space for growing relationships. And for someone who needs my own space, without anyone, to recharge and not talk, it can leave me with only a sigh.
 It's a good sigh, but a sigh.

I've grown sympathetic to the fact that the boys share a room and there is constant noise and activity in their space. I often wonder if in fact they desire a quiet retreat, a dwelling apart from all the chaos and activity and discussion.
We've recently refinished the guest space in the basement, so the extra room upstairs is now open. I've offered the boys the space, in case one of them feels like they need a break from sharing a room with two others.
They haven't taken me up on it. They don't know an existence apart from sharing a room with two other brothers.
 However, recently one of the boys will wake up grumpy the next morning, claiming that one of the brothers "kept them up all night." Usually it's the jokester, Caleb. He thinks it's hilarious to wake up next to one of his brothers, occupying their twin bed together.
Levi and James think it's completely obnoxious and annoying, and despite telling him to stop, Caleb still manages to end up in one of their beds in the morning, so amused by his scheme.

Finally on day, Levi and James had had enough. I found them one Saturday morning hauling boxes of their toys and clothes out of their room, down the hall to the open guest room.
Apparently, they decided that they were going to move out of their shared bedroom, leaving Caleb to it alone. The two of them where setting up their new room down the hall.
That night the two of them shared the queen bed happily, while Caleb had the entire room to himself. He was a little apprehensive about sleeping alone, but I comforted him saying that now he could jump to whatever bed he wanted during the night without anyone getting mad.
He remained in his bed the whole night.

I wondered how long this sleeping arrangement would last.

Levi and James slept fine together in the queen bed. However, by mid morning, I heard arguing upstairs. Upon investigation, I witnessed James grumbling and scowling as he hauled boxes of trains and clothes out of the guest room back into the other room with Caleb.
 Levi came after him with, "Here, you forgot these too!"
Now Levi had the whole guest room to himself.

By nightfall, Levi realized that he was scared to sleep in a room by himself, so he moved his blankets back into the room with Caleb and James.

Learning to navigate relationships is so important; but, having an open, undesignated
 room is probably a good idea in a family of six. ;)

Wild Wild West

Do you see them?!!
All of them.
....Those big red faces,
                   those large noses,
                      deep set eyes, 
        stoic lips and chins. 
They are serious, all these faces,
ages of minding their own business,
silently
watching the world below.

There is power in these red rocks. 
John and I feel it as we stand above, perched on top of Cathedral Rock, over looking the Sedona canyons.

It is obvious why this place exudes a sacredness and a Presence.

It is the finger print of a Creative God who delights in us, crafting towering slabs of granite; we can't help but  gasp in awe.

The vastness of it all makes me feel as if I am a foreigner in an unknown land. I am struck by the beauty and fragility of life.

 It is here we celebrate the successes of this past year. John was awarded Top Performer last year at work, and thus, we were awarded this amazing trip to Arizona.
It was a time for just the two of us, (thanks to the unwavering love of grandparents at home!)
It was a five day retreat into the red rocks of Sedona, under the most striking blue sky I have ever witnessed.

The temperature was chilly and one morning we awoke to the rocks dusted with snow; it was exhilarating to be alive in such radiant surroundings, to be so free.

We spent our time away playing, exploring, relaxing and reflecting.
Some times there was conversation; other times there was simply companionship. 

This is part of our collection of shared experiences over the years, over the almost fifteen years of marriage together.

We hiked every day.
As we set out to climb, the towering rocks above me seemed impossible to maneuver.
When I gazed up at our goal destination high above me, fear began to seep in.
The rocks were so high, so out of reach, and the journey seemed treacherous as I analyzed the route.

Once we began, I focused on only the trail right before me, on the next step, the next ledge in which to put my foot.
I concentrated on the cracks and crevices in which to pull myself up and over.
And as we ascended the rocks, I was amazed every time I looked up.
We were indeed climbing,
 rising,
going somewhere.
Together, the two of us; we were conquering this intimidating red giant.

And as we pulled ourselves up over the final ledge, we marveled at what was before us. What we saw was more magnificent than we could have imagined at the beginning of our climb.

We had faith that it would be worth it, but oh, we had no idea! 

And in that moment on top of the mountain, I was suddenly struck with such clarity and insight into my life.
Perhaps it was a whispered word from God upon that sacred overlook. In my heart I felt that suddenly I understood what was expected of me in my life.

  As we climbed, I realized that the only thing we had to concentrate on was the moment right before us, being faithful to navigate the cracks and crevices we could see and do the best to pull ourselves  onward, to live with a vision cast Upward.

And suddenly the Giants we thought we had to conquer were gone; the fear of having to figure this whole thing out-this thing called Life- in an instant was vanquished.
And in its place was peace. 

As we celebrated our victory at the top, John realized that ahead there was more.
The trail said "end," but beyond it was hints that this wasn't it.
So we continued, we explored, we cautiously traversed the opposite end of the canyon.

Fueled by our success and unexpected encounter with such bounty, we were zealous for more.
Our curiosity and efforts paid off because there was indeed more, so much more.

Perhaps life is lived in the crevices and the cracks; 

it is the faithful plodding along, one step and then another. 

And before long we look before us, and we marvel at how we got here. 

And we gasp at the beauty of it all.

And that's a Wrap!

We are on the brink of a new Decade everyone, (!) and for people who like to reflect and ponder and dream,(LIKE ME!!!) this is like our SUPERBOWL! 😁😁😁😁😁
 I've been daydreaming and remembering; I've been pausing and journaling and planning.  I've been surveying my life-all the life-that took place for me/us this past decade, and I couldn't be more grateful for EVERYTHING; and I couldn't be more excited for what is to come in the decade of the 20s.
 My life is accelerating at an alarming rate. If each decade doubles in speed, than Evie will be graduating high school before I know it. 😳😳😳 (She's class of 2030!)

To quickly recap the last ten years, I'd say that my/our identity has changed dramatically.

We went from just the two of us  (2010).............>

To just the six of us (2019)!

I had several medical procedures, a house move, some incredible trips and adventures, made new friends and said good-bye to others.

Ireland!

Hawaii (x3!), once very pregnant with Evelyn

Italy! aka, "Babymoon"

Thailand

Amsterdam

We had babies,

various people living with us,
house projects
and job promotions.

projects like building cribs!....

Pregnancies! Lots of growing humans this decade....!

Our first child, Evelyn Grace. 

"Three babies for the price of one" pregnancy 

Many small people

And trouble. Lots and lots of trouble. But cute trouble.

Like anyone, we experienced so many good times, but also a lot of hard times.
 There was a lot of life in this last decade.

SO. MUCH. LIFE.

And it is in this life that John and I have really solidified and unified even more in our marriage.
This was a hectic decade.
There were a lot of transitions and seasons that pushed both of us to our emotional and spiritual and physical edge.

I believe in my heart that we are entering a sweet season of life; I picture it as a beautiful harvest of what we have sowed so far in our family. 

There was a lot of waiting in this decade: waiting to be pregnant; waiting for my pregnancy to be over; waiting for the babies to grow up; waiting to move into our new house; a lot of the time it was waiting for the day to be over!

In this decade I vow to do less waiting and more living. 
Because I can. 😁 
I finally feel emotionally able to do so.

 "crazy hair night" at Awanas!

Evelyn turned 8.
Yes.
EIGHT.
 I can't believe I have an eight year old; but then again I can because she  understands technology better than me and challenges me with deep theological discussions. 😳😳😳

She is intelligent, compassionate and full of opinions. She is finding where she belongs in this world, and during the next ten years she is going to go from a little girl of 8 to a woman of 18. 😩

The boys too are thinking, comprehending and deciding who they are.

For Christmas this year the kids received sleeping bags.
They also received fishing poles and suitcases.
Can you see a theme here?! Now we just need to find a summer camp! 😃

The kids were so excited about their travel gear. They decided they were all going to sleep in their new sleeping bags in the basement on Christmas night.
However, when night fell, sickness, fatigue and apprehension caused each of them to rethink the basement campout.
Caleb, however, refused to be deterred.  Frustrated with his siblings for backing out, Caleb decided to take on this experience by himself. He packed his little suitcase with clothes for the next day and found his camp site in the basement.

He was content and comfortable the entire night; he ascended from the basement the next morning with a big smile on his face. He was dressed in new clothes that he packed in his suitcase.

When he has his mind made up, he will proceed, regardless.
I am excited to see what this decade holds for him.

James was most delighted by his train tracks. He officially graduated from wooden Brio tracks to electric Gauge N, a professional type of track that takes great patience and precision to assemble.

I watched him as he connected the tracks and strategized solutions to obstacles and created new ideas.
I believe the next ten years he will continue to create, explore and discover.

And then there is Levi. This next decade will probably be spent on fields and courts, watching and cheering him on.

One of the favorite gifts were soccer nets. We set them up in the basement, and the boys have been using them constantly. Levi's domination on the soccer field is a bit intimidating, even in a basement.

For John and me, I believe we are entering a season together that is going to be our best one yet. We are celebrating 15 years of marriage, and truly this past year I have felt more love, appreciation and admiration for him.
John is a true leader in our family. He is respected at work, in our community and especially in our family.
I believe there are big things ahead-wonderful things ahead- and I really couldn't be more excited for 2020 and beyond.

Christmas Tree Magic

November has been all things turkey.

Turkey art...

Turkey sweets...

and THE BEST turkey I have ever eaten.
Melissa and Rob brought us  an organically  raised turkey from their friend's small farm in Washington.
John smoked the dark meat
and sous-vide the rest.
It was one of the most
delicious things I've ever had. 

Turkey grill master

We had a nice couple of days with family.  It was so wonderful sharing the table with everyone! :) 

Ready to Feast!

COUSIN TABLE! :) 

Pie time is every one's favorite part.

Caleb's choice: pumpkin, toffee almond, citrus and caramel pear.
I've never seen someone eat (and enjoy!) so much pie. 

Evie goes with a little bit of everything and a lot of whip cream

Levi likes anything and everything anywhere at anytime.

James is a pumpkin pie guy 100%. 

It's always our tradition to "walk off" the meal.
Yes, us adults were definitely carrying most of these bikes up the hill by the end of the walk. 

We postponed getting our Christmas tree the weekend after Thanksgiving because putting up the holiday lights took John a bit longer than expected and used up all our Christmas spirit and energy.

The kids complained and moaned at having to wait yet another day to commence their Christmas tree trimming; the only thing that made them feel better is that we promised we'd go to their favorite local Christmas tree farm the very next day after school.

Evelyn remembered this place and assured the boys that there would also be free apple cider and candy canes. This seemed to be more important than actually finding a suitable tree, so they agreed that tomorrow would be better; they managed to endure a whole day of school. Climbing into the car in the afternoon, they anticipated the whimsical family memory that was about to be made.

By the time we got everyone home, properly nourished and suited up with rain boots and coats for our Christmas tree cutting adventure, it was nearing dusk;  John urged everyone to get into the car so we could arrive before dark.

The car was bouncing with Christmas excitement as the kids all sang Christmas carols and discussed qualifications for the perfect Patton tree. As our mini van rolled up to the tree farm, we witnessed a man in big boats rolling down the garage door. It was a little before 5:00 and John thought that they perhaps closed at 5. Certainly they would at least welcome one more family before calling it a day...right?!?!
 The man walked over to our van and John rolled down the window. "Nope, we are closing up early. Just getting to dark and dangerous out here in the forest to cut down another tree." He seemed pretty matter of fact and tired. Four excited kids faces immediately dropped.
John was leaving for a business trip the next day, so this was our big chance to find a family Christmas tree.
"Noooo!" cried the kids. "We want a Christmas tree!" Levi was actually crying. He was excited to hike out to the woods with Dad and saw it down.
John and I were silent for a moment as we pulled out of their lot.
Any other Christmas tree farm was going to be closed now, as the darkness suddenly descended over all of us. We were out of luck.
"Well," started John, "there is always FredMeyer."

It was true. The local grocery store near our house was an option. No, we wouldn't be traipsing through the woods picking out the perfect tree together. But we could grab a gallon of milk on our way out?😒
The kids weren't thrilled with the idea; but, when they realized it would be another week until we could get a tree from the tree farm, they obliged.
Everyone, except Levi.
All the convincing and reasoning and even bribing in the world couldn't convince him that this was a fine option.
He was adamant about wanting to wait it out the week in order to cut it down himself.

Well, majority won (as it does in most of our family predicaments and disagreements) and we drove to Fred Meyer to get our tree.
In protest, Levi refused to get out of the car.
So I agreed to stay with him while the rest of the crew went in .
He didn't complain or sulk; he was perfectly happy sitting in the car with me. He was simply standing up for what he believed was the right way to go about selecting a tree.

 About 15 minutes later, the rest of the family emerged from the florescent lights carrying with them a handsome looking Christmas tree.

Making Holiday Memories

John secured it on our roof with twine, and Caleb said a prayer that it wouldn't fall off the roof. At every stoplight he asked Dad to make sure it was still with us.
And as we pulled up to our house and put the tree in its place in front of our main window, no one remembered that we didn't chop it down.

And so, we have our Patton Christmas tree. 

The holidays can officially begin!